


With Trembling Eyes

by ravisayscutecute (aiupenn)



Category: VIXX
Genre: (background ships and characters), (probably portrayed poorly), Alternate Universe - Magic, Artist!Hongbin, Blood and Injury, Gugudan (Band) - Freeform, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk - Freeform, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk/Jung Taekwoon | Leo - Freeform, Hurt & Comfort, Injury Recovery, Jang Sojin | Soyee - Freeform, Jung Taekwoon | Leo - Freeform, Kim Nayoung - Freeform, Kim Wonshik | Ravi - Freeform, Kim Wonshik | Ravi/Lee Jaehwan | Ken - Freeform, Kim Yongseung - Freeform, Lee Jaehwan | Ken - Freeform, M/M, Magician!Hakyeon, Major Character Injury, Not Beta Read, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Shin Bora | Hana - Freeform, Trust Issues, VERIVERY (Band) - Freeform, Yoo Kangmin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-20
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-13 13:15:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18469705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aiupenn/pseuds/ravisayscutecute
Summary: Cha Hakyeon has lived alone since his mother's death three years ago. He spends his days making potions and doing magical experiments while avoiding even the slightest chance of detection. However, when a young man shows up stabbed and beaten practically on his doorstep, he can't help but take the risk and heal him. Desperate to keep the secret from him until he's healed, he even gives a fake name and pushes away the man's offers of friendship at every turn. It's not long, however, until something more grows between them and Hakyeon can't help but wonder if there's even the slightest chance they could be happy together...All Lee Hongbin wanted was to be an artist, but those dreams seem to have been crushed the same night he was nearly stabbed to death. When he wakes up in the home of the beautiful Hakyeon, it seems his troubles have only grown. The longer he stays with Hakyeon the deeper he falls in love and, worse, Hakyeon seems to be falling, too. There's no chance in the universe that Hongbin is good enough for such a kind soul and he's not about to steal away that love from someone more deserving. Unfortunately, he can't seem to tell his errant heart that...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Quick note, I tried to do my research about PTSD before writing this fic, but I ended up being too scared to search out a beta. As such, I want to give a blanket warning that the portrayal is likely inaccurate. I hope it is not hurtful, but if it is I'd truly appreciate it if you reached out to me and told me why and how to fix it if you are up for it. I'm terrified to portray something like this that I have no experience with, but if I had just ended up ignoring it and pretending Hongbin was unaffected by his attack I would've felt worse.
> 
> And now to the prompt! As soon as I read it, it caught a hold of my imagination so I had to snag it up: "magician!hakyeon finds himself in trouble when he finds unconscious hongbin on the street. he decides he can't let him go, so takes him back to his home and tries to heal him up, but faces the eternal struggle of keeping his magic a secret once he's back to health."

There was a soft _thump_ deep within the woods.

Hakyeon's first instinct was to ignore it, of course. The woods made noises all the time and usually they were just animals. But then he thought about it, and he realized that the sound was far different than the usual animal noises. After three years alone, their noises were familiar. This wasn't that.

Clutching his shawl tightly around himself, Hakyeon craned to hear something, _anything_ else. Perhaps he was being paranoid? Nothing but the bite of cool September air answered him. Still, he couldn't shake the anxiety.

Hakyeon let out an exhausted sigh at his own needless worry. He was too tired from today's work to leave his home this long after sunset, but he grabbed a candlestick anyways. Without a second thought, he lit it with the palm of his hand. He stared at the flame a moment before sighing again. He really should've saved the effort. It was almost coming _too_ naturally these days.

Another sound came from the woods, causing Hakyeon to turn back to the task at hand. Instead of a _thump_ , this sound was a soft cry. A human sound if Hakyeon had ever heard one. His heart seemed to slow a bit and he took a tentative step onto the stone path leading to the road. Suspicion filled his bones as he made his way into the woods. The shadows seemed even more menacing than usual and the shiver that racked through him had nothing to do with the chill night air.  
It didn't take long to reach the road and a relieved breath rushed through his lips. He must've imagined it. Surely anyone he could've heard he'd have seen by now. Just before he could turn to leave, a gust of wind rustled the tree leaves and the wind carried a metallic, warm scent.

An urgency flooded him and Hakyeon burst from the treeline to cast his light around wildly. It took a moment in his rush, but his candle cast an odd shadow and Hakyeon moved towards it hesitantly. Slowly but surely a huddled mass of a person emerged from the darkness. Hakyeon's breath hitched in his throat and he set his candle aside to kneel at the man's side.

He moved to turn the man over but recoiled instantly when a stickiness invaded every space between his fingers. There was blood _everywhere_. The ground was absolutely covered with it and now he was too, even after such little contact. He'd have to burn these clothes.

Feeling scared and breathless, Hakyeon mentally steeled himself and turned the man over. Once the man was on his back, Hakyeon only grew ill with concern. There was too much blood to tell what was going on, but the man's face was too relaxed to be alive. He placed his fingers on the neck and waited to feel a pulse. He missed it at first, and his heart sank. Then, there was the slightest flutter under his fingertips and he breathed in relief. It was faint, but the man was alive. There was absolutely no time to take him down to Mikyung, however. If this man was going to make it, he'd have to heal him himself.

A more logical part of him wanted to argue against it, but Hakyeon didn't hesitate to try and find the source of the worst of the bleeding. Each wound he looked at seemed to be deeper than the last, but he finally came to the man's torso, where he clutched his side. When he gently tried to move the hands to get a better look, Hakyeon found much more resistance than he thought there would be from someone unconscious. The man groaned as Hakyeon uncovered the wound. While distressing, the sound did reassure Hakyeon somewhat. It was a good sign. Still alive and still feeling pain.

The sight that greeted him made him doubt that it'd stay that way, unfortunately. It was a stab wound, one that looked as if it'd been twisted to make the damage worse. Hakyeon winced just looking at it and he had to swallow back bile in his throat. Thankfully, it hadn't gone so far back as to hit an artery so it was fixable with magic. The only problem was that Hakyeon wasn't sure he had that amount of magic in him. But that hardly mattered. He was going to try either way.

Hakyeon placed his hands on top of the wound very lightly, and focused on it, on the feel of how it was now and how it _should_ be. He visualized all the organs rejoining, veins regaining their proper flow, muscles slipping into place… all of it. A soft glow started against his palm as the magic slowly did his bidding. He'd seen the light so many times before it shouldn't make him alarmed, but it did. He was so near a road and anyone could come by at any moment. The magic faltered as he lost his concentration. 

He let out a huff of air. The wound was only half-healed. He needed to focus. After a moment of regathering himself, he returned his palm to the wound. Soon, he could feel that all the important muscles and veins had been rejoined, he pulled away. While he wanted nothing more than to heal it completely, he couldn't allow it. It was hard to tell amongst all the other blood, but Hakyeon was suspicious that his own nose had started to bleed, the first sign he was overworking himself. And there was a lot more healing to do before this man would be stable enough to move.

Hakyeon moved to lesser, but still serious wounds, trying only simply stopping the bleeding at this point. He only healed a small portion of them before he woke up a couple minutes later collapsed over the man. He'd passed out. For the third or fourth time that evening, Hakyeon checked the man's pulse. It had grown steady, if still weak. Hakyeon looked over the wounds in dissatisfaction. He needed to do so much more, but this would have to do. He still had to carry this man home after all.

It was quite the maneuver to get the man into his arms _and_ balance the candle at the same time so he didn't trip on his way back and bust the man's head open. He tripped a lot anyway, largely stumbling over his own feet. It wasn't a surprise as he could barely feel his legs and arms. He'd really outdone himself this time, and there was still a lot to do before he could call it a day.

Once he reached his home, he was barely aware enough to blow out the candle before dropping it to the porch in a splatter of wax. He slid open the door. With more care than he thought he had in him, laid the man in his yo. Nothing had ever been more tempting than the idea of collapsing right there and sleeping until the next morning, but he couldn't do that.

Hakyeon tried to shake the numbness from his limbs before standing. He hurried around his home, setting a pot with water on the stove to boil, gathering up bandages and a salve, and grabbing a knife last. Without much care for the man's already ruined clothing, Hakyeon cut the fabric from his body, trying not to shudder as he fished out cloth from some of the wounds.

He cleansed the wounds as best as he could with water, then smothered on goops of the potion and wrapped layer upon layer of bandages on top. It was slightly sloppy work, but it'd be more than fine until the morning when he wasn't shaking so badly.

There was a sputter as the pot overflowed and Hakyeon got to his unsteady feet to pour scoops of poplar and ginger inside. It wasn't his most sophisticated mix, but it would have to do for now. He rolled up his sleeves and rubbed his hands raw as he tried to get rif of all traces of blood. None of it could drip into the potion or the results we be disastrous. Even after his hands  _looked_ clean, Hakyeon couldn't shake the feelings of stickiness from his fingers. The feeling of blood on his hands would haunt him for along time.

Hakyeon sighed and held his hand over the potion, focusing in on the plant's natural effects. He'd barely breathed before the potion began to glow softly. Lightheadedness hit him, and he had to cling to the countertop to stop from falling. By then, the potion had mostly lost its glow, which meant it wasn't very strong. It was the best he could do right now.

After it cooled, Hakyeon returned to the man's bedside and carefully lifted his head. Far more liquid made its way out of the unconscious man's throat than Hakyeon had expected, thankfully. He might make it after all.

Hakyeon set the cup aside. All the energy he'd been forcing himself to have drained out of him. Without another thought, he fell onto the yo and slept.

* * *

 

When he awoke again, there was sunlight streaming through the window. Hakyeon blinked at it in surprise. He'd felt only slept a collection of seconds, not hours. Everything ached, partially because of the strange sleeping position, but more likely from overexertion. The headache from earlier that morning carried over, much to his displeasure. All the same, he sat up and reached up to check the man's pulse once more.

It beat steadily under his fingers.

The exhaustion fled Hakyeon's limbs immediately as he sat back with a loud sigh of relief. It had all been worth it. He sat there for a second, reveling in the reassurance, before bringing himself to his feet. He boiled more water and scooped herbs into it once more. Resolving to steep it for longer this time, he lifted the blanket to check the bandages. Many of them needed changing, which Hakyeon did, and in the meantime he checked out the wounds he hadn't been able to see in the dark.

Besides the stab wounds, almost the man's whole body was covered in bruises, which suggested a beating. The clearest sign of that was the broken cheekbone and, more concerningly, the broken leg. He'd need to heal that with the little magic he'd regained while sleeping. Bandaging stab wounds were one thing, but he was nowhere near medically competent enough to set a broken bone. If the man woke up before he could do so magically, it'd be impossible to do without him noticing.

He tensed and untensed his fingers as he prepared himself mentally. There was barely enough energy in him to do this. He could only hope he wouldn't pass out again. Very gingerly, he placed his hand on top of the break in the leg and focused on seeing the bones return to their proper places. Once they had, he pulled his hand away. He'd love nothing more than the help the nerves and veins around the injury as well, but there was still the cheekbone to heal. A large spot had already covered his vision. He set the cheekbone, then studied the handiwork carefully. It was hard to tell if the magic had worked correctly when the face was so swollen, so he could only hope. 

Hakyeon felt woozy when he got to his feet, but he hurried on anyways. He gathered supplies for splints and enchanted the potion, ignoring the numbness in his fingers. He blew on the drink to cool it and slowly poured it down the man's throat.

It was almost nerve-wracking to splint the breaks, as he kept expecting the man to wake up in the middle of it in quite a lot of pain, but he never did to Hakyeon's relief. Surely the man had suffered enough.

Once all of that was done, Hakyeon checked the pulse one last time. Still even. Relief filled him, and the tiredness he kept pushing back suddenly returned. He stumbled towards the closet and very carefully laid out his yo in front of the fireplace, close enough so he could see the man, but allowed some space.  
It was delightful to change from such bloodied clothes. He threw the pants straight into the fireplace, but the shirt could be washed out.

Finally, after more than seventeen hours, Hakyeon settled underneath his covers with a long, relaxed sigh. He only had four hours to sleep before he'd have to give the man another dose of poplar, but he didn't let that bother him as he drifted off.

* * *

 

Hongbin's slow awakening was anything but pleasant. He wasn't even fully conscious when he started gasping helplessly for breath that wouldn't come. His eyes wouldn't open, no matter how much he encouraged them to. They fluttered, taunting him with the light just beyond his reach. With a considerable amount of willpower, he sent a jolt of awareness through his body and he could finally move. His eyes opened eagerly and he drew in a breath like it was his first. As soon as he was fully awake, he rather wished he wasn't.

Pain washed over him like a cold river and nausea came with it. Under normal circumstances, he would've sat up and reached for the closest bowl, but an unfamiliar hand lightly held him down. His bleary eyes darted around with uncertainty until the landed on the owner of the hand.

Despite—or perhaps because of—the haze of the pain and shock, he had the terribly inappropriate thought that the man was very handsome. It chased away all the other feelings long enough that he managed a rushed word. "Who—?" his voice cut out on him and he racked with a cough. The shaking brought the pain on even stronger, tightening his burning stomach. He gingerly reached for it, only for that to cause pain in his arm. Moving at _all_ might be a terrible idea.

"You're alive," the man said as if it was a surprise even to himself. He left Hongbin's question unanswered as he stood slowly. "Don't move. I've got something to help with the pain."

Hongbin was fairly certain that he wouldn't have been able to move if he wanted to. Whatever was hurting him would likely keep him in bed for days if this was any indication. The man returned very promptly with a steaming cup in his hands. "Open," he said and Hongbin obeyed.

Slowly and carefully the man poured the contents of the cup—some sort of tea—down Hongbin's throat and he swallowed it gratefully. He hadn't realized how thirsty he was until the first drop hit his tongue, but he was _parched_. It had just been all the other overwhelming sensations that made him forget. The man pulled away once the cup was empty and Hongbin let out a pant. "Thank you," he murmured.

The man nodded in acknowledgment and then tugged at the end of the blanket. "I need to check your wounds," he said, "It will hurt."

Hongbin nearly scoffed, but instead, he just smiled weakly. "It already hurts."

The man looked more sympathetic than he had expected, taking him perfectly seriously. Hongbin was a little taken aback. "I'm sorry," the man said, as he pulled the blanket aside and gently started to pull back bandages, "The tea I gave you should relieve some of the pain."

Hongbin was surprised by the care the man gave while his fingers danced over each wound, checking over every little thing. Contrary to his previous warning, the man was so careful that Hongbin barely felt it at all. When he swaddled Hongbin back up in the blankets, he was surprised that that was all to be done. He'd expected some rather unpleasant probings at his insides.

"Are you cold?" the man asked, studying Hongbin's face with concern.

Like his thirst, Hongbin had to think about it first. That sort of discomfort was so far down the list that he almost didn't recognize it. After a long moment of thought, he finally said, "No."

The man looked relieved again and stood, taking the empty cup with him.

"What… happened?" Hongbin asked.

There was a small _clang_ noise before the man returned with the cup full of some sort of broth. He looked a little grave. "I was rather hoping you could tell me," he said, quietly.

There was a twinge of disappointment in Hongbin's chest, but he forced it down as the man carefully tipped a sip of the broth down Hongbin's throat.

"I found you at the side of the road, beaten and stabbed," the man said.

Although it shouldn't have surprised him with the amount of pain he was experiencing, it most certainly did. _Stabbed‽_ Why would he have been _stabbed_? Hongbin was disappointed to learn that he was the only one with the answers to that question and he had no idea.

"Last night?" Hongbin ventured a guess. The night before had been drastic, hadn't it? He'd been arguing with his mentor, then he'd left in a huff. Hongbin remembered that much at least and it made a little knot of anger and sadness form in his throat.

"The night before," the man said.

Hongbin was surprised. He'd been asleep for more than a day? And had this man been tending to him all this time? Hongbin remembered his manners. "Thank you," he stumbled out.

The man only nodded slightly, a little smile gracing his lips as he made Hongbin take another sip of broth. The smile was far more bewitching than it had any right to be and Hongbin nearly choked.

Once Hongbin had swallowed, he asked his very first question much more clearly. "Who are you?"

Hesitance invaded the man's eyes and they darted away to some small patch in the blanket. "I'm…" he started, then he frowned, "You can call me N."

Hongbin couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. Almost certainly 'N' wasn't his real name, unless his parents were particularly cruel. He wanted to press the issue, but the man must've had his reasons for giving a fake name, and it seemed rude to question his savior so early on.

"Are you a doctor?" Hongbin asked next.

N kept the guarded look on his face as he tipped the final bit of the broth into Hongbin's mouth. "No."

It was the simplest reply, but it caused more questions than it had answered. If he wasn't a doctor, why was he healing him? And how did he know how to do it? Why hadn't he taken him _to_ a doctor? He got the feeling N wouldn't answer any of those questions, so he held his tongue.

"I don't know _your_ name," N said, moving the conversation away from himself.

Hongbin thought for a moment, wondering if he should give a false name himself if N had, but he had no good reason to aside from spite. "Lee Hongbin," he said after a moment.

"Hongbin," N said, letting the name roll off his tongue. Hongbin couldn't help but notice how nice it sounded coming from N's mouth. "You should get some more sleep." N pushed himself to his feet once more and disappeared from view.

Hongbin felt very tired, to be sure, but he also felt a little strange falling asleep, imposing on someone like this. It wasn't until N returned and looked at him like he was disappointed that Hongbin relented.

"Thank you," he muttered again, as his eyes slipped closed. Within moments, he was fast asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Hongbin was unnecessarily unsettled when he woke up alone a few days later. It seemed like N was always at his side or at least nearby while he slipped in and out of consciousness. Hongbin was distracted, so he didn't really consider the consequences when his body responded naturally to push himself up on his elbow.

Something in his arm screamed and Hongbin let out a yelp along with it. Now he wanted nothing more than to collapse back into bed, but he wasn't able to. Something in his stomach were almost stuck, forcing him to stay where he was.

There was a flurry of footsteps and N rushed in through the open front door. Out of a lack of anything better to say, Hongbin gasped out his name. "N."

N was by his side in an instant, very carefully gripping Hongbin's arm and slowly lowering him back onto his bed, flat on his back. Hongbin's body was thankful as the muscles relaxed. With a start, he realized that he already felt much better than he had a mere three days before. Now that he was on his back, it was as if those muscle aches didn't exist. He was thankful, but a little off-put. It seemed a bit early to be so recovered.

"What happened?" N asked gently, pulling back the blankets to study his stomach wound. He frowned, so Hongbin knew he must've reopened it.

"I just woke up and…" _You weren't here_ , sounded a bit personal, so Hongbin considered his words a little more carefully, "I was just careless is all."

N hummed as he stood and returned with an armful of bandages and a bowl with a strange looking goop inside. Some sort of salve, Hongbin guessed. N got to work unwrapping his wound, then generously applied the salve. Hongbin winced.

"Sorry," N said quietly.

Hongbin shook his head as he bit his lip. "I'll be fine," he tried to reassure him.

Once his stomach was tended to, N turned to his arm. "This will hurt more since I'll have to move it."

"Thank you for taking care of it," Hongbin said, honestly. N seemed so much more concerned with the pain he was causing him instead of all the good he was doing.

N gave him a bit of an unreadable look, searching Hongbin's eyes for something. He looked away and turned to his work, very carefully lifting Hongbin's arm. It _did_ hurt, but Hongbin tried to keep his expression as stony as possible. With that wound properly wrapped too, N left. Hongbin felt an unexpected pang of loneliness and more than a little boredom. He knew N would likely encourage him to sleep once more, but he didn't particularly feel like sleeping. He wasn't about to just lay here staring at the ceiling either.

"If you aren't a doctor, then are you an herbalist?" Hongbin said, trying to start a conversation.

There was a clatter and Hongbin turned his head to see that N had dropped the pot he was holding. Water spilled out onto the flames of the stove, causing them to sizzle.

An uncomfortable silence followed and Hongbin was just about to apologize for asking a question that so clearly upset him before N seemed to regain his composure. "No," he said. It was quiet but firm enough.

Hongbin dearly wanted to ask more questions, but N had seemed so startled by each one he presented, he couldn't bring himself to.

N turned from the stove with a steaming cup of tea. He poured it down Hongbin's throat as he always did. Once it was gone, though, Hongbin hurried to think of an excuse before he could scurry off again. "Would you read to me?"

N's brow creased, his face a mixture of suspicion and uncertainty.

"I'm not tired, but… I'll be rather bored," Hongbin admitted. It was a split second excuse, but it wasn't untrue. While he'd rather have a pencil and paper in hand, considering the fact he couldn't even stand up… Well, he wasn't up to drawing anyways.

The suspicious look didn't leave N's face, but he nodded. "Alright. I have a few more things to tend to, but then I will."

Hongbin tried not to smile too much. This _was_ only to stave off boredom after all. "Thanks."

* * *

Hakyeon nearly yelled at the sight of Hongbin sitting upright in bed after returning in from a trip into town. Hongbin looked rather pleased with himself, if not pale and a little sweaty. Hakyeon could hardly believe it. Only two days before the man could barely move and now he was sitting on his own. The last potion must've been particularly successful.

Hakyeon placed down the basket of herbs he'd just bought on the table and hurried over to Hongbin's side. Without any warning, he pulled away the blankets to study Hongbin's stomach wound. Thankfully, it seemed healed enough that it wouldn't reopen any time soon. He could likely take the bandage off entirely now, but he'd wait until tomorrow, just in case. To stave off any suspicions.

He sat back on his haunches with a sigh. "Were you trying to give me a heart attack?" Hakyeon asked, placing his hand above his heart. In truth, this was a good sign. The possibility of damaged muscles had been the biggest concern of the last week.  

"I'm sorry," Hongbin said, but he had a little smile on his face like he wasn't sorry at all. "Did you think something was wrong?"

"Yes," Hakyeon said, "How do you feel?"

"Very good, actually," Hongbin said, their gazes meeting. Hakyeon was grateful to see the sincerity in his eyes.

A small part of Hakyeon's soul relaxed and he let out a soft sigh. "Your arm?"

"A little weak, but it doesn't hurt too bad."

Hakyeon nodded, his eyebrow furrowing pensively. Had he truly repaired the muscle properly? He'd never forgive himself if he'd ruined Hongbin's use of his arm for the rest of his life.

"It feels much stronger than before," Hongbin said as if reading Hakyeon's thoughts.

Hakyeon's ears warmed a bit. It was unpleasant to learn he was so easy to see through. "I'm glad to hear it," Hakyeon said, pushing himself to his feet, "Next time tell me if you want to sit up, though."

"Sorry," Hongbin said, "I will."

He said it so lightly that Hakyeon got a distinct feeling that Hongbin _wouldn't_. But he wasn't about to push the matter.

"Would you like the book I was reading to you?" Hakyeon asked. He was going to be busy for a moment, but since Hongbin was sitting up he could likely read himself.

"Sure. Thanks."

Hakyeon picked up the heavy historical volume he'd been reading him over the past six days. Hongbin never failed to fell asleep to it, so Hakyeon got the feeling history wasn't his genre of choice, but he owned little else. Only anatomical texts and his mother's notebooks, the former even duller than history and the latter too precious to share. This morning, in town, he'd asked Wonshik about it, but he had a bookworm buying up his store's fantasy book stock at the moment. He promised to send word to Taekwoon to bring extra with him when he returned.

Despite his clear dislike of it, Hongbin took the book thankfully and buried his nose into it. It must be better than nothing.

Hakyeon returned to the table and quietly sorted through his herbs, setting aside those that would need to be dried, and those that would need to stay inside, and all those important things. It soon became a comfortable rhythm, but Hakyeon stayed hyper-aware of Hongbin's presence in the room.

It'd been such a long time since he'd had anyone in his home with him for something as… laid-back as this. Of course, Wonshik and Taekwoon and other friends stopped by—even for hours at a time—but that was always filled with lively conversation and food. This was very different. It was a sort of peaceful coexistence that was honestly rather soothing to Hakyeon's soul. He hadn't thought of himself as lonely, but… perhaps he was.

"Something wrong?" Hongbin asked, his gaze having left the book in his lap and focusing on Hakyeon's face instead.

Hakyeon hadn't realized he'd been staring, so he looked away in a hurry. "No. I'm fine," he said, pushing down the embarrassment note in his voice, "I was just thinking."

"Oh? What about?"

Hakyeon bit his lip. He'd noticed how often Hongbin attempted to make conversation and this was only the next in the long line of those attempts. No matter how badly he wanted to encourage the talk, Hakyeon bit his tongue. He never knew what details could unexpectedly come up in idle conversation. He'd tried not to tell any direct lies, but if something somehow slipped out it might not be good.

"I need to take these out to the," Hakyeon paused, "shed." Calling it the 'lab' as he normally did would likely give him the wrong impression of some sort of crazed doctor, living on the mountain in exile.

Hongbin looked away, clearly put off by yet another rejection for conversation. Hakyeon sighed and stood, feeling a tug at his soul for leaving this peaceful scene behind. But it was his fault, so he really couldn't feel all that bad about it.

Hakyeon cleared the rest of the basket quickly, an awkward air having grown in the room. When he reached the bottom of the basket, all that was left was his coin purse, which he tossed the table with a bit of a loud clatter.  Hongbin took in a breath behind him. Startled maybe. "Sorry," Hakyeon said. He stuffed the basket with the herbs needing to be taken out and stepped once more into the fall weather. It had been a warm fall, and Hakyeon was a little grateful for it. It meant far fewer trips into town for the most part. As much as he enjoyed them, they were a bit arduous.

He turned down the path to his left and stepped into his little 'lab'. It wasn't _exactly_ the right word for it. It was more like a separate kitchen, with a stove and pots lining the walls and plenty of counter space, but it felt strange to call it that, too. He'd experimented enough in here that Hakyeon thought it warranted the nickname he gave it.

There was a strange noise from inside the home and Hakyeon's brow furrowed. He put down the basket and hurried back in.

Nothing looked amiss, other than Hongbin, who had turned even paler than before. His book was laid aside and his fingers held the blanket in tight bunches. As Hakyeon approached, his fingers relaxed a little, but the frightened look on his face stayed.

"Money," he said as if that explained everything. His voice was far hoarser than it had been before.

"What about it?" Hakyeon asked, kneeling next to Hongbin and pulling the book into his own lap.

"That's what happened. Robbery," Hongbin said.

Hakyeon still had a moment of confusion before it clicked. A shiver went up his spine and he put a gentle hand to Hongbin's shoulder. A bit to his surprise, Hongbin pulled away, a grimace on his face. It was the first time Hongbin had rejected his touch, but Hakyeon tried not to feel offended by it. He withdrew his hand guiltily. Obviously, Hongbin was remembering something he didn't want to.

"I thought you'd finally cracked and thrown my book across the room," Hakyeon joked. It sounded hollow, but he hoped it would be enough to put Hongbin's mind elsewhere.

It seemed to work. A smile popped onto his face again, although a hesitant one. "Oh, I was getting pretty close," he said.

Hakyeon smiled back, as genuine a smile as he could manage in this moment of concern. "Thanks for restraining yourself."

He pushed himself up to a standing position and fished around for a conversation they could have, the onus on himself for the first time. At a loss for anything else, he stuttered out something inconsequential. "Do you read much in your free time?"

"Now I do," Hongbin said with a chuckle, "But not so much before. I'm partial to poetry."

They conversed like that for a while, Hakyeon revealing his own rather boring tastes in books, not that Hongbin teased him for it. He got dinner ready in the meantime, and slowly but surely they fell into that familiar feeling again. Like he and Hongbin fell into a smooth existence. He fumbled with the spoon he was holding when a certain thought hit him. _How nice would it be if we could stay like this?_ It confused him thoroughly and was almost a little alarming. Wishing for Hongbin to stay? That seemed… rude.

He must've missed what Hongbin said because he got asked if something was wrong. Again. Hakyeon shook his head to clear his thoughts. "Nothing. Just realized I forgot salt."

* * *

 

N would be absolutely furious with him when he got back. Hongbin was quite aware of this, but he couldn't help wanting to do it anyways. He'd been here for almost two weeks now and he was quite sick of not knowing exactly where he was. The front door had been his only window to the outside world this entire time and it revealed little. There was clearly a porch, and a little vegetable garden towards the left, then forest beyond, but that didn't feel concrete enough.

So he'd resolved to make the handful of steps it would take to get to the chair next to the window. It shouldn't be too much effort. The only issue would be the broken leg of course, but he'd gotten a long piece of wood from N a few days before that would work perfectly as a cane. He _should_ be fine, if not a little tired from the experience.

The first part of it would be standing up, obviously. It seemed terribly daunting after spending so long on the floor, but he could do it. He could sit up quite easily now, and his arm was almost to its usual strength. Hongbin had been thinking about it because he kept noticing how quickly he seemed to be healing. Perhaps he just was particularly good at that sort of thing? He'd never been hurt so seriously as to put it to the test before. Was healing a thing humans could naturally be good at?

Hongbin smiled at his own ridiculous mental side-track and placed one hand firmly on the wall behind him and the other on the ground. Very, very slowly, he pulled himself up. Dizziness hit him first. He weirdly felt like he'd gotten very tall after all that laying down. But, it wasn't too painful. Muscles creaked uncomfortably now and then and bits of skin pulled a little taut, but all in all, he felt mercifully better than he had expected.

His broken leg protested most. He winced as he brought it underneath him and leaned on the wall more heavily. He groped for the makeshift cane quickly and got it underneath him, too. The leg screamed, but he ignored it, letting out only a whimper. The hardest part was over. Now just six little steps.

It was almost comical how much he limped on his way there, but he reminded himself that the leg wasn't sore, it was _broken_ , so he shouldn't be so hard on himself. It was with great triumph and relief that he collapsed into the chair. All the air he'd been subconsciously holding in came out in a rush. He'd done it!

He very nearly fell asleep right then and there before he remembered what he'd done all this for. He carefully turned and looked out the window.

It came as a little bit of surprise that N's home wasn't small out of convenience, but necessity. He'd always figured that it was small because it only had to house one person, but now that he could see outside, it seemed much more likely that it was the size it was to preserve the nature surrounding his entire home. Trees went as far as Hongbin's eyes could see, all seemingly untouched by N or anyone else. Birds and weasels and other small animals went through the branches, going about their busy-work.

The scenery was strangely engrossing in its simplicity. Hongbin found himself bewitched by it. For what felt like hours he watched the wind whip through the tree's leaves, making a beautiful tune as the sound mixed with birdsong. He'd seen a lot of nature in his life, but this was perhaps the most beautiful he'd seen it. It might've only seemed that way because of how long he'd been away from it, or it might've seemed like that because it was N's window he watched it from.

Despite the fact that no one could hear his thoughts, Hongbin felt the tips of his ears grow warm. He wasn't doing terribly well at regulating his little crush, although, to his credit, that was hard to do when they'd been your only company for weeks. The longer he stayed near him, the more Hongbin fell for each of N's little quirks and movements. He'd been so kind, how was Hongbin _not_ supposed to fall for him.

So, yes, he _did_ like this scenery more purely because it was beyond N's window.

N seemed to have a habit of appearing right when Hongbin was thinking of him, and this was no exception. The sound of the door being slid open came from behind him. Hongbin held his breath, waiting for a scolding.

Instead he heard only an uneasy stillness until N finally breathed out, "Hongbin?"

Hongbin felt a little stab to his heart. He hadn't expected N to sound so worried. "I'm here," he said. He hadn't even noticed that the wall would shield him from view. _Now_ he would be scolded.

But that wasn't true either. Instead N hurried over and carefully looked over his leg, taking special care to check the stability of the splint he'd put on it. Hongbin winced as he pushed just a bit too hard.

"I'm sorry," N said, pulling his hands away before guiltily looking up to meet Hongbin's eyes, "Are you alright?"

"Fine," Hongbin said, moving his gaze to avoid N's worried ones, "I just… wanted to look out the window."

"Oh," N said, "Why didn't you wait until I got home?"

It _was_ a scolding of a sort, but a soft one, more concerned about Hongbin's well-being than anything else. Hongbin tried to keep the look of confusion off his face. "Would you have let me?" It was half a joke, half an honest question.

"Of course," N said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "I don't know what you're up for until you try to tell me."

"Oh," Hongbin replied for lack of anything better to say. To tell the truth, he was shocked. People generally didn't take his feelings into account. "Then… could I eat at the table with you?"

N shrugged. "If I don't burn it, I suppose."

"You must not think of yourself as much of a cook." Hongbin smiled.

"Hmmm… not really,"

"I'll have to get better soon to help you."

"Not too—" N cut himself off, his eyes widening. Abruptly, he shook his head and stood, "I mean… You're a cook?"

Hongbin bit his lip, keeping the truth to himself. "I've done it before."

N regarded the answer with some suspicion before heading to the stove. "I'll start dinner, then. Want your book?"

"Um…" Hongbin tried to imagine focusing on one of Hongbin's historical tomes for another hour and shuddered at the thought. "Do you have any fiction?"

"No, I'm afraid."

"Then I'd rather not."

"I figured," N said, shaking his head with a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Why not chat with me instead?" It was out before Hongbin could stop it. He instantly balked. So far, he'd been so careful with his pushes at conversation for a reason. He was acutely aware of how flirtatious his last sentence could sound and he hated himself for it. N must've noticed, too, because the smile faded and he stiffened. "Or, I like to draw. Do you have any scrap paper?"

N let out a breath he seemed to have been holding. "I'll burn something if I keep up a conversation," N said, but the teasing tone didn't quite reach his voice, "but I've probably got a sketchbook somewhere."

He rummaged through cupboards while Hongbin mentally cursed himself. Couldn't he just bite his damn tongue?

After a long moment, N made a pleased noise and extracted a barely touched notebook and pencil. Hongbin fingers flexed. His hand felt rather empty without a pencil in it and he was overjoyed to get to draw again. All thoughts of his little slip-up fled his mind as N handed him the sketchbook. Hongbin cracked it open eagerly as N retreated back to the stove. "Thanks," Hongbin managed and N waved his hand as a sort of 'you're welcome'.

Hongbin meant to draw the scenery or the home's interior or anything else innocuous, but it quickly became clear that he had no inspiration for that. Still life had never really been his subject of choice, scenery most of all. So instead, he settled on drawing the only person here. Slowly, but surely, he started to sketch the outline of N bustling about the kitchen.


	3. Chapter 3

Hakyeon jerked awake in the middle of the night with the very distinct feeling that something was wrong. The sleepiness didn't linger long. He sat up, holding his breath while his ears searching for any little noises. He didn't have to listen so carefully. It quickly became clear what had woken him.

There was a half-stifled sniffle from the direction of Hongbin's bed, so Hakyeon turned to look. Sure enough, Hongbin was sitting up in his yo, hand covering his mouth as his shoulders shook with sobs. His terrified eyes met Hakyeon's and a look of guilt and embarrassment flashed through them.

Although he wasn't exactly sure what his plan of action was yet, Hakyeon noiselessly slipped out of his blanket and approached slowly. Hongbin scrunched his eyes shut, tears overflowing, as he sucked in a choked sounding breath between his fingers.

Hakyeon very gently pulled Hongbin's hand away from his mouth. There was no need to stifle his cries. Hakyeon would never tease him for it. The next breath Hongbin took in was hoarse and Hakyeon winced as he wondered how long Hongbin had been crying. Alone.

Hakyeon pulled Hongbin slowly into a hug so that his head rested just above Hakyeon's heart. It was something his mother had done when he'd been inconsolable. He could listen to her heartbeat, strong and steady in her chest. Hongbin didn't relax immediately. His sobbing got a little louder and the front of Hakyeon's shirt was soon covered with tears, snot and drool, not that Hakyeon minded. He didn't know for sure what had Hongbin crying like this, but he had a pretty good idea. Absentmindedly, Hakyeon reached up to stroke the strands of Hongbin's hair, loosing knots that had gathered there in his fitful sleep.

It all seemed to soothe him eventually. By the time Hongbin had completely stopped crying, Hakyeon's legs had gone painfully numb, although he didn't dare move. Hongbin still didn't pull away for quite some time. He started to breathe to the rhythm of Hakyeon's heartbeats, which comforted Hakyeon in turn. It was a relief that he was breathing normally again.

Finally, Hongbin took in a deep breath through his nose and pushed himself away. Hakyeon smiled at him and stroked Hongbin's hair one last time. "Let me get you some tea."

Hongbin swallowed, then nodded. Hakyeon kept a close eye on him as he stepped out the front door to pump some water, making sure Hongbin didn't feel scared alone. It seemed that fall was finally coming as Hakyeon shivered in the night air.

Once the pot was on the stove, he returned to Hongbin's side. He'd barely moved and was staring at the opposite wall a little blankly. It hurt Hakyeon's soul to see him like that.

He settled down next to Hongbin on his yo, tucking his feet underneath him. "Are you feeling better?"

Hongbin's eyes focused on the world in front of him and looked to the ground. "Yeah…"

Hakyeon rolled the next question over in his head, uncertain if he should ask it. "Was it a nightmare?" Hakyeon finally asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Hongbin winced and didn't reply, so Hakyeon took it as a 'no'. He rubbed a few circles into Hongbin's back then stood once more to remove the pot. Instead of just poplar, Hakyeon put in a heaping helping of fennel and lavender. He had a sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't taste good, but the goal was more to help him sleep again. It was unlikely he'd want to go back to sleep on his own after a nightmare like that.

Hakyeon handed him the tea before sitting at this side again. "It might not taste very nice," Hakyeon warned, "It's a strange mix."

Hongbin smiled hollowly as he looked into the mixture. He looked hesitant to drink it. Was he that worried about a foul taste? Or was he worried he'd throw it up? Hakyeon winced at the thought.

"You don't have to drink it, Hongbin," Hakyeon assured him, "it's only to help you sleep."

Hongbin drew in a shaky breath and he finally took a sip. To Hakyeon's great relief, he didn't throw it up immediately. If he'd know that Hongbin was feeling queasy, he would've thrown in something to help that too. If only he could've enchanted it without Hongbin noticing the potion's initial glow.

Hongbin got down several sips—almost the whole cup—before he spoke again. "I…" he started but stopped. Hakyeon could see the tears welling up in his eyes again. Hakyeon reached up to wipe away one that fell and Hongbin let out another shaky breath. "I'm not sure if they were memories or nightmares, but…" Hongbin shook his head and set the almost-empty cup aside, "They scared me, N."

Hakyeon very nearly reacted to the use of the false name he'd half-forgotten he'd given. A fresh stab of guilt went through his heart. All this time he'd been trying to comfort him and Hongbin didn't even know his real name. Hakyeon pushed that emotion aside for the moment.

"I tried not to wake you," Hongbin said apologetically, "But I'm…" he seemed uncertain to say what he wanted to next or not. Perhaps because of his relaxed state, he continued, "I'm glad you did. I didn't want to be alone."

"You can wake me if you need to," Hakyeon said. He wrapped his arm around Hongbin's side. Perhaps in a less emotional moment, he would've noticed the romantic implications such a hold had, but right then it just felt natural, "I'll be here if you need me."

"Always?"

Hakyeon's heart stopped for a moment in his chest. _Always?_ He turned his head to search Hongbin's face for a reason for the question, but he had fallen fast asleep.

Hakyeon turned the word over and over in his head like a coin as he softly tucked Hongbin into his yo, facing away from the window so he could get a few extra hours of sleep before the sun woke him. Hakyeon collected the fennel, lavender, and poplar, tucking them into their rightful places. The leftover tea he poured into his own cup and he settled down at the table, partially to think, partially to keep an eye on Hongbin in case a nightmare seemed to haunt him again.

 _'Always'_ . It was a very long time but a very simple word. It threw him off balance. He was certain Hongbin had said it only because he was affected by the herbs, so why did it bother him so? _'Always'_.

Perhaps… because Hongbin had asked it. And, if Hongbin had asked him to be there 'always', a part of Hakyeon wanted to be.

* * *

Over the past couple days, Hongbin had been drawing nothing but N. He felt a little strange about it—a little infatuated—but it wasn't only because he liked N. He was also just a conspicuously good model. There was something in the way he moved that just lent itself to art, not that Hongbin dared tell him that.

Today was no exception. He sat at the table and scribbled vague forms of N in his sketchbook. While he would've liked to have made a more fully formed drawing, there was the small matter of N not actually being there. As much as he could draw from memory, it wasn't as good.

Drawing always put him in a bit of daze and after what must've been several lonely hours bent over the table, Hongbin finally blinked his weary eyes and sat back in his chair. The mostly-healed wound on his stomach gave a bit of a protest, but it was nothing Hongbin couldn't handle after all these weeks. He rubbed his eye absent-mindedly with the heel of his hand as he looked over his work. Embarrassingly, he realized that he hadn't drawn just any picture of N, but of the two of them together. A memory had come out subconsciously of a handful of nights before.

Before Hongbin allowed that thought to crystallize, he tore the page from his book and stood with the aid of his cane. With great, limping steps, he got close enough to the fire to throw the balled up paper in. He wasn't going to think about that.

Hongbin let out a large sigh as he turned from the fireplace. He'd barely noticed how cold it was getting lately. With all the time cooped up, it seemed irrelevant.

He moved to window in lieu of sitting back down. His back was hurting him and N had said he'd be home an hour before sundown, so he'd wait for him.

The shadows of the trees lengthened as Hongbin watched. The sun had dipped below the treeline ages ago, but eventually, the sky darkened as well. Familiar prickles of anxiety covered Hongbin's skin as he watched the world move steadily toward sunset. N should be home by now.

Swallowing back as much of his worry as he could, Hongbin stepped towards the front door and slid it open. The cool air rushed inside the tiny home and he shivered. N was _probably_ fine, but if he had somehow gotten stuck out here in this chill…

Hongbin tried to keep his imagination from running rampant, but it was largely unsuccessful. There wer a million terrible ways N could've died. He stepped onto the porch and slid the door shut behind him despite how badly he was shivering. As soon as he was outside, unprotected by the slight muffling that the home's walls gave outside noises, Hongbin's ears noticed a small whimper. His heart seemed to stop in his chest so that he could listen. This time, he heard it a little louder. It wasn't a whimper, but a soft, whispered "ow".

Hongbin stumbled forward off the porch onto the little stone path that apparently extended from the front of the home. There was a path to the left, and down it, he heard the sound of another "ow". He turned his head and noticed a large shed. Just inside the doorway, N was collapsed.

Forgetting almost completely about his own injuries, Hongbin stumbled over the uneven ground until he could fall at N's side. N just kept repeating "ow" over and over, making Hongbin's worry increase just a little more each time.

Uncertain of what was wrong, he didn't want to shake or move him too drastically. Instead, he placed a hand on his shoulder. "N?" he asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

The "ow's" came to a stop and instead there was a long shaky breath, although N didn't move. "'bin?" N's voice drawled.

"Are you alright?" Hongbin asked, looking him over as best he could without moving him. There wasn't any blood or injuries that he could see.

N didn't respond for some time, and that only made Hongbin more concerned. Finally, N said, "I fell," as if that explained everything. Which it didn't.

"Did you hit your head?"

"I don't know," N said.

"Can you move?"

"I don't know."

Hongbin bit back a flutter of frustration. "What hurts?"

"I don't know."

The scene felt eerily familiar and Hongbin let out a stuttered sigh as he realized why. His mother had collapsed like this once when she went too long without eating and sleeping. The doctor had said it was "exhaustion" and to give her plenty of water and rest. Hongbin felt a little comforted that water and rest was something he could help with.

Sending a glance around the room, he quickly located a water basin and cup. Hongbin took his hand away from N's shoulder and fetched the cup. He was about to pump some water when his eyes landed on a little stove with a pot on top of it just beyond sink. Something about it seemed… strange, but he couldn't recognize why right away.

Until he noticed it was _glowing_. Air hitched in Hongbin's throat and water spilled over his hand as he jerked back.

Magic.

Hongbin whipped his head around to look at N's collapsed form. Oh how badly he was burning to ask questions _now_ , but there were more important things to attend to. Tearing his thoughts away from the discovery, he knelt on the ground and very carefully flipped N onto his back. He maneuvered his head into his lap so he could pour the water down his throat. It was a strangely familiar scene, reminiscent of when N had done the same for him.

Thankfully, N was much more aware than Hongbin had generally been then and N drank the water with ease. His eyes still looked distant, but he let out a sigh that showed he was more cognizant than he had been moments before.

Hongbin set the empty cup aside and put his hand to N's cheek gently. "When was the last time you slept, N?" he said in the softest voice he could manage.

"N?" N blinked in confusion as he echoed the name back to Hongbin, "That's not my name."

Hongbin took in an abrupt breath. "I know," he said, pained by the reminder, "But you need to tell me when you last slept."

"I'm Cha Hakyeon. Why aren't you calling me that?" N—  _Hakyeon's_ eyes suddenly moved to meet Hongbin's. He stared straight into them like they were the only lifeline he had, making Hongbin's heart skip a beat.

Hongbin swallowed. His mouth suddenly felt very dry. "Ha— _Hakyeon_ , when was the last time you slept?"

Hakyeon didn't break eye contact as he answered. "Last night? No… Maybe not… the night before? I was worried. Your nightmares..."

Hongbin felt guilt turn to a heavy lump in his stomach, but he ignored it. Now wasn't the time. "You need to sleep," he said, as softly as he could, "Let's get you in bed."

Hakyeon suddenly moved, turning to his side and burrowing his face into Hongbin's stomach. Any chances of breathing fled Hongbin as butterflies violently erupted in his chest. "I'm so tired…" Hakyeon muttered.

"Not here. Inside," Hongbin said struggling to keep his voice even.

"I need to get you home."

Hongbin's brow furrowed, not entirely sure what he meant.

"I'm tired, but I have to get you home."

Hurt pierced Hongbin's chest, but he tried to ignore it. He didn't have time to dwell on it as Hakyeon made a move to stand. Hongbin held him down gently by the shoulder. "You… can sleep here for a minute. Then we'll get you inside."

Hakyeon hummed and they were silent for a moment. But Hakyeon didn't sleep. It seemed he couldn't quite keep his mouth shut. "You're too…" Hongbin was involuntarily holding his breath as he waited to hear what Hakyeon would say next. "You're too _nice_."

Now confusion. Hakyeon sure was causing a maze of emotions with his sleep-deprived mouth.

"I _like_ nice people."

Hongbin flushed. He wanted to ask what _form_ of 'like' he meant, but if it wasn't the time for feeling guilty, it sure as Hell wasn't the time to ask about the nature of Hakyeon's feelings. All the same, he removed his hand from Hakyeon's cheek. He hadn't meant to egg him on. "Sleep."

* * *

Hakyeon was upright in bed before he was even properly awake. Inside his chest, his heart was trying desperately to escape, pounding to an almost painful degree. But he couldn't fathom _why_. Every inch of him felt panicked, but there didn't seem to be a cause.

Before that could even properly soak in, he was hit with an overwhelming wave of dizziness. Reluctantly, he sank back into the yo and shut his eyes. For a minute, he searched his memory for the source of the unease hitting him. It took a while, but he finally got there.

This wasn't where he'd fallen asleep. One moment he was in the lab, the next he was on the floor, and then… he fell asleep in Hongbin's lap.

An involuntary sigh left Hakyeon's lips as he thought about what a strangely nice and comforting feeling that had been. That emotion quickly embarrassed him, but it persisted nonetheless.

He finally dared open his eyes again after his mind felt a little more sorted, and he turned his head to scan the room nervously for Hongbin. It wasn't hard to find him. He was fast asleep in the chair next to the yo.

If they weren't still out in the lab, then Hongbin must've gotten him inside by carrying him. His leg was probably pretty busted up again. Hakyeon frowned at his own incompetence and sat up once more, ignoring the lightheadedness this time. The moment he moved to get out from under the blankets, however, Hongbin woke up.

He sat up more in his chair. "You're awake?" Hongbin's voice was heavy with sleep.

"Morning," Hakyeon said, as if nothing had happened, and he made a move to stand up anyways.

Hongbin didn't seem to like that because he made an abrupt movement. His hand went to Hakyeon's shoulder and gently pushed back. "You should rest longer."

Honestly, Hakyeon very badly wanted to, but uneasiness crawled under his skin like ants. "Your leg…"

"It can wait," Hongbin said, "You can't do magic like this anyways."

Hakyeon's blood ran cold in his veins. He _knew_ this might happen, but he felt no more prepared for it than he had at the start of this arrangement. Everything seemed so much more uncertain and terrifying now. Even the comforting, firm hand on his shoulder turned to a dark threat he badly wanted to twist away from. He wanted to trust Hongbin, but… He felt scared to have his secret revealed to any other person than his mother. As a last resort, he forced his face to remain clear. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said flatly.

To his great surprise, Hongbin smiled softly. "That's fine. Just get some more rest."

Hakyeon felt any protests die in his throat. Out of all the responses he'd imagined he'd get over his lifetime, a _smile_ absolutely was not one of them. His mouth opened and closed like a grounded fish as he tried to come up with something, _anything_ to say.

But there was nothing _to_ say. He turned his head away. "How…?" he ventured. He wouldn't have dared ask it if he thought he could backtrack, but Hongbin seemed certain of himself.

"Your potion. It was glowing," Hongbin said, "But it kinda makes sense. I was recovering faster than I should have."

Hakyeon worried the edge of his blanket. "How did you know that was magic? Because it was unusual?"

Hongbin shook his head, thinly veiled curiosity behind his eyes. "My family keeps our ancestral history by journals. My great-great-something grandfather recorded his magic in his journals. Can you…" He trailed off and shook his head. He gave another soft smile and slowly got the floor so he was at Hakyeon's eye level. Gently, he guided Hakyeon back under the covers, a comforting feeling that left Hakyeon feeling sort of… fuzzy. "You're changing the subject," Hongbin said with amusement as he tucked the blanket up to Hakyeon's chin.

"This ancestor could do magic? Can you?"

"No," Hongbin said with certainty, "No one else in my family has as far as we can tell…" He trailed off and looked away like he was debating whether to say more. "Most everyone else was scared of his journals, but I was fascinated by them. I tried to dig up information on magic, but the only records were of…"

 _Executions_. Hakyeon could fill in the last word for him. A shiver went up his spine.

Hongbin put a hand to Hakyeon's shoulder. "Please rest some more," he said.

Hakyeon's eyelids were heavy enough he couldn't protest. But, a nervousness still fluttered at the edge of his soul. "You will too, right?"

"Yes," Hongbin said, but his voice sounded unusually curt. Hakyeon didn't have much chance to speculate as to why before he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Hongbin was more angry at himself than he was at Hakyeon. While it might've been Hakyeon who pushed himself so hard, it was entirely Hongbin's fault. If he hadn't dragged himself into Hakyeon's life, willingly or not, Hakyeon wouldn't have exhausted himself like this.

A more logical side of his brain tried to tell him that there was nothing he could've done, but he couldn't fathom that either. There must've been _something_. He could've been a bit more reassuring, perhaps, convinced Hakyeon that he was doing quite well and didn't need quite so many "teas".

He wallowed in this feeling of strange anger all night as he watched Hakyeon's chest rise and fall reassuringly. He only dozed off once the morning sun had started to rise and when he woke again, Hakyeon was out of bed.

Hongbin panicked for a moment, his eyes searching the blankets as if Hakyeon would somehow magically reappear there.

"Good morning."

Hongbin's eyes moved across the room to see Hakyeon standing at the stove. He couldn't get himself to return the greeting as he saw Hakyeon's legs shaking under his own weight. He was still obviously in no position to be bustling around the house making breakfast.

There was a new flash of anger and—perhaps because he was tired and unable to point his anger in the right direction (himself)—he found himself saying rather tersely, "What are you doing?"

Hakyeon's shoulders huddled a little bit and Hongbin shoved down the anger he'd let so needlessly surface, chiding himself. "Making breakfast…"

Hongbin took a steadying breath and said softly, "Why don't I work on that? You should sit." He pushed himself up from the chair with his cane and making his way over to the stove.

Hakyeon looked reluctant, but when Hongbin neared, he relinquished the role. With a poorly concealed sigh, he fell into a chair at the table. "I finished everything but the rice. And the tea's steeping."

Hongbin nodded, studying the covered rice. Rice. He could handle that. Probably.

In the meantime, he turned around and leaned gently on the counter, observing Hakyeon, who also happened to be observing him. Hongbin floundered to find words to say, but Hakyeon beat him to it.

"I can find you a place to stay in the village if you need it," Hakyeon said, then averted his eyes, "I don't mean to make you feel unsafe…"

It took Hongbin several moments to even realize what he was talking about. "What do you think I'm worried about, Hakyeon?" he asked.

Hakyeon's eyebrow furrowed and he snapped his gaze back to Hongbin's. "Where did you learn my name?"

"You told me," Hongbin said, trying not to be hurt that Hakyeon hadn't done it on purpose, "Last night."

"Oh…" Hakyeon looked away again.

"You didn't answer my question."

Hakyeon sucked in a breath. "You've already been kind enough not to tell the town, so I won't ask for anything more—"

"This doesn't have anything to do with your magic, Hakyeon." He realized, a bit belatedly, that he was using his name too much, but he could hardly help it. It was so sweet on the edge of his tongue. "Well, it does a _little_ , but it's hardly the point."

"What is it then?" Hakyeon asked, looking for all the world that he couldn't begin to fathom another reason why someone would ever be upset with him. Hongbin could believe that. With those beautiful, wide brown eyes, he could hardly imagine why he was mad either.

Hongbin searched for a moment, not sure how to put his anger into words partially because he wasn't really angry at Hakyeon at all. But for all appearances it seemed that way, so he should absolutely explain himself. "I'm not saying you could've died or anything, Hakyeon," he used his name again, just to reassure himself it was still there, "but you could've been really hurt. And you didn't even tell me… What if I hadn't found you, and you froze to death or a tiger materialized out of the woods? And after all that telling me to be careful..." He tried to keep his voice very even, to reassure Hakyeon that he wasn't really angry, but it was difficult. There was so much emotion in his chest that it seemed to be trying to bubble out into his throat at every opportunity, so his words wavered.

"What?" Hakyeon asked. Even though Hongbin couldn't see his face, he knew he was confused.

Hongbin sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to come up with a more concise explanation. "I appreciate everything you've done for me, Hakyeon, but if it comes at the cost of your health, I… really can't accept that. Please… Take care of yourself, too." And the way he said that last phrase was anything but platonic. It was a little too soft, a little too worried, a little too involved… but he couldn't bring himself to care. He wouldn't take it back.

"What?" Hakyeon repeated, looking horribly lost, "What about the mag—"

"I already told you last night that I don't care about that," Hongbin said, hating himself for feeling exasperated, "You're focusing on the wrong part of the conversation. I'm just trying to say that you can't make yourself sick like this."

Hakyeon studied him for a moment, and then averted his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"That's…" Hongbin shook his head, "That's not what I'm trying to get out of you. You don't need you to be sorry, I just want you to be careful."

"I'm sor—" Hakyeon caught himself. "I'll be careful. I didn't realize you were so worried."

Hongbin cursed himself for the obvious slip. He'd even realized he was making it but wasn't able to keep himself from saying everything. He tried to brush it off with his next words. "Of course I'm worried. I couldn't stand it if the person who saved my life hurt themselves because of me."

There was a long silence, then Hakyeon finally said. "Alright."

Hongbin felt himself relax just a bit. He turned and poured out two cups of tea, handing one to Hakyeon. "Thank you for listening," he said, "I'm sorry for being selfish. And mad."

Hakyeon shook his head enthusiastically mid-gulp. He swallowed and rushed to reply. "No, no, you're right. I just… haven't had anyone worry about me for a long while."

And then he blushed and Hongbin knew he had truly messed up. Mentally, he cursed himself. He'd seen enough people interested in him to knew how they acted. And, whether Hakyeon realized it himself, he _was_ interested in Hongbin. He had suspected as much before Hakyeon's collapse, but this was a confirmation.

Hongbin felt unspeakably guilty, so he turned back to the stove and opened the top of the pot to poke at the grains inside.

"Don't let the steam escape!" Hakyeon said in a rush and Hongbin very obediently slammed the lid back down.

After a second, Hakyeon giggled. "You really can't cook, can you?" he asked.

Now it was Hongbin's turn to blush. "No…" he admitted.

"Well, bring it over. It's probably good enough for breakfast."


	4. Chapter 4

"How do these things even work?"

Hakyeon jumped at the sound of Hongbin's voice, causing some of the boiled water to splash on his hand. He sucked at his thumb absentmindedly. "You startled me."

Hongbin didn't respond right away, so Hakyeon looked to him with a furrowed brow. Hongbin had a decidedly stony look on his face, almost blank. It's slightly unsettling in how uncharacteristic it was for the Hongbin he knows. "Sorry," Hongbin finally muttered.

Hakyeon frowned and focused once more on his herbs. "Potions are a… weaker form of magic," he said, almost uncertain how to word it. He'd never had a chance to speak about magic to another soul besides his mother and she had already known everything about it. "They're based more on, um, plants and herbs than magic all by itself. And so they require less of it."

Hongbin stepped forward so that he could glance over Hakyeon's shoulder. Hakyeon sucked in a quiet breath, well aware of how close Hongbin was. He could feel his body heat. "So why use magic at all?" Hongbin asked.

"'Magic'…?" Hakyeon said hoarsely, having completely lost the thread of the conversation.

Hongbin looked down and their eyes meet briefly. Then Hongbin took a decisive step back. Hakyeon tried not to feel the loss of it. Hongbin swallowed slowly before speaking. "Why not just use the herbs on their own?"

Hakyeon still blinked stupidly for several seconds before his brain caught up. He blushed and returned his gaze to the ingredients. "To enhance the potency," he said, throwing in a group of ground leaves, "They only do a little on their own, but with magic, they can become fairly strong."

"Oh," Hongbin said.

Hakyeon glanced over to see him looking absolutely fascinated, watching the water boil like it was more than just a pot. A part of Hakyeon's soul shivered at the sight. "Watch," he said.

He placed a hand over the pot and recalls what the herbs inside did—pain relief. So, he cleared his head and focused on that, pulling those effects ever closer to him. A slight amount of energy clearly drained out of him, but nothing he couldn't handle at this point. And it was nothing compared to what an actual spell would've done to him. When he opened his eyes the potion had taken on an even, softly glowing hue.

Hakyeon looked back to Hongbin, more excited than he cared to admit to see his reaction.

Admiration was written all over Hongbin's face. It made Hakyeon's heart do an entire backflip to see the look in his eyes.

"That's amazing," Hongbin said, an amount of reverence in his voice.

Hakyeon looked away abruptly as tears welled up in his eyes. "Oh." His voice cracked halfway through the noise.

"Aren't you exhausted, Hakyeon?"

Hakyeon loved and hated the way that hearing his own name from Hongbin's lips made his knees weak. It was terribly unfair, but Hongbin seemed to say it just the right way. The way it was always meant to be said. But he was ignoring the meat of Hongbin's question.

The truthful answer was 'yes'. He felt _exhausted_. The other answer was that he didn't care to do anything about it. He needed to get Hongbin home before he discovered anything else. But… there was nothing else to 'discover'. It was already all out in the air, so what was he afraid of?

"Hakyeon? Are you okay?'

Hakyeon shook himself back to the present, locking eyes with Hongbin. "Fine," he said a little too quickly, "It's—it's just… I'm fine, really."

Hongbin looked unconvinced. "Why don't you take a break? I'm healing fine on my own."

Hakyeon hated that idea almost as much as he hated the idea of cutting off his own hand. He grimaced. "Magic is my life, Hongbin. I don't take _breaks_ from it."

"I see," was all Hongbin said. He didn't tell him he was silly or that he should take a break anyways. Just 'I see'. "Then can I help you?"

Hakyeon shook his head. "This isn't something I can teach you."

"But I can learn about the herbs," Hongbin pointed out, "And crush them and add them. All that'd leave you with would be the magic."

Hakyeon considered it for a moment. The cautious side of him wanted to say 'no'. After all, he still felt that pressing need to get Hongbin out of his life immediately. But the other part of him only remembered the moment before, when he felt Hongbin's warmth along his back… "I—" Hakyeon cut himself off, the refusal dying in his throat, "Yeah. That sounds like a good idea."

They were close. Hakyeon could reach out to touch his arm. He could easily step forward and wrap him up into a hug. His fingers flexed a little as he considered it. It would all be so easy.

But Hongbin stepped away, something in his eyes looking pained. He attempted to wipe it away with a smile, but Hakyeon still remembered it. "Thanks, Hakyeon. It'll make me feel much better."

Hakyeon bit his lip, trying to formulate a response, but before he got the chance someone outside called his name.

* * *

Hakyeon looked just as surprised as Hongbin that he had visitors. Hongbin moved a bit to the side to let Hakyeon pass, feeling reluctant to step out. What if Hakyeon didn't want them to know he was here?

Hakyeon peeked out the door and then he deflated with a sigh. "Heavens. It's the 3rd isn't it?" He turned back into the room. Their fingers brushed as he passed and Hongbin pulled away like he'd been burned. He clutched his hand to his chest, his heart beating uncomfortably fast. Meanwhile, Hakyeon didn't react to it. Instead, he bustled about picking up a handful of jars with what Hongbin assumed were potions. Hongbin slowly moved so his back was against the wall, struggling to regain his composure over such a little touch.

"Hakyeon!" The voice came from outside.

"I'm coming!" Hakyeon yelled as he passed Hongbin one last time. He stepped out onto the path and rounded the corner so Hongbin couldn't see him anymore.

Hongbin let out a shaky breath, letting his hand fall to his side uselessly. His chest ached. They'd been too close. He should've done something, but… he hadn't. Guilt pierced him. He needed to stop this. He needed to stop leading Hakyeon on.

"Hongbin?" Hakyeon's voice made his head snap up. He looked to Hongbin expectantly.

He had to clear his throat to get it to work properly. "Is it alright for me to meet them?" It seemed strange after nearly a month to see another human being. It almost made him nervous. Perhaps he'd forgotten to figure out how to act?

Hakyeon's brow furrowed, but he smiled. "Of course."

And then he grabbed Hongbin's hand. Every muscle in him went taut, enough so that when Hakyeon tugged him into motion, he couldn't even move. Hongbin stared at the spot where their hands met, feeling the pressure of every finger on the back of his hand. They stood frozen for several moments. Hakyeon's eyes looked at Hongbin's leg with concern, as if _that_ was the issue.

Hongbin ripped his hand away, partially horrified by the fire that surrounded his fingers.  Hakyeon stumbled from the force of it. As badly as he wanted to explain, Hongbin pushed his lips into a thin line. Pulling away was only somewhat motivated by panic. More-importantly, it'd hurt Hakyeon's feelings and if Hakyeon hated him… It'd be so much simpler.

Hakyeon stared at him for several long, unbearable moments before he finally retreated. Pulling his hand back to clasp it with his other. "Sorry," he whispered, a ghost of a fake smile pulling at the corner of his lip.

Hongbin hated himself.

"Hakyeon, you are taking too long." A man rounded the corner. He was muscular with hair just barely brown—a shade over black. He looked far more casual and laid-back than Hongbin had really expected a friend of Hakyeon's to look.

Hakyeon missed a beat, obviously struggling to tear his eyes away from Hongbin. He straightened and put on a smile as he turned to his friend. "You're just impatient."

The man laughed. "I won't deny it." He slipped his hand into his pocket and then turned his tilted his head towards Hongbin. "This why you've been coming down to the Mikyung so often?"

"Yes," Hakyeon said, he opened his arm a little to motion towards Hongbin, but he didn't turn his head, "Lee Hongbin, this is Kim Wonshik. He's an old friend of mine."

Hongbin gave him a pleasant smile that didn't reach his eyes and offered a bow. Wonshik returned it. "It's nice to meet you," Hongbin said.

"Pleasure's mine." Wonshik held a plastic bag out to Hakyeon. "I'm guessing he's who these are for?"

Hakyeon took the bag, looking confused before he saw what was inside. "Oh! I'd forgotten." He turned to pass the bag to Hongbin. He took it gingerly, avoiding even the slightest possibility of touching Hakyeon's hand.

There were books inside. Hongbin blinked, his heart warming. He reached into the bag and pulled out one with a plain green cover and looked inside to be greeted by a fearsome beast. "Fantasy," he said.

"Thought it was strange you were looking for fantasy books all of the sudden." Wonshik to Hongbin. "Now, then. I don't mean to be rude, but what are you doing here?"

Hongbin looked down to hide the souring look on his face as he placed the book back into the bag. What _was_ he doing here? Nothing good. Falling in love, manipulating, taking more than he deserved…

"Let's go inside. It's easier to explain to both of you at once," Hakyeon said.

"Both?" Hongbin asked the question before he could stop himself.

"Come inside. I'll introduce you."

With a stab of guilt, Hongbin saw Hakyeon almost reach to lead him inside. He recoiled away at the last second. _It's for the better_ , Hongbin told himself.

Hongbin paused in the doorway of the home when he saw a man in a hanbok at the table. He was all angles, unlike Wonshik. Everything from his cheekbones to his frown was sharp. He looked noble, which made Hongbin want to shrink back a bit. He wanted to avoid an awkward confrontation. The man met his eye and not a flicker of recognition when through them, so Hongbin relaxed.

"This is Jung Taekwoon," Hakyeon said, pulling out a chair and motioning for Hongbin to take it, "He's the only merchant who comes through Mikyung with regularity. Our parents were close."

 _That_ was a topic of discussion Hongbin wanted to follow. He tried to imagine this angular, grumpy looking man playing with kind-hearted Hakyeon as a child, but it was hard to think of.

Hongbin smiled and bowed. "Lee Hongbin."

Taekwoon stood and returned the bow without enthusiasm. Hongbin would've taken it personally if he didn't already look so put out. He was either shy or entitled; either way, Hongbin didn't have the energy to be hurt by it.

Hongbin took his seat the same time as Wonshik. Hakyeon didn't sit of course. He bustled about, making tea.

"I'm guessing the fact that you look like you fell down a mile of road has something to do with why you're here?" Wonshik asked, making eye contact with Hongbin from across the table. He didn't sound malicious, more teasing. He probably didn't know he'd nearly hit the nail on the head.

All the same, Hongbin winced involuntarily. His fingers brushed the top of his leg, suddenly more aware of the subtle, aching pain that was always there.

Hakyeon stopped moving for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it or should I, Hongbin?" His voice was quiet, respectful.

Hongbin swallowed, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "You," he whispered.

Hakyeon took a breath, clearly not quite sure how to phrase it. As he gathered his thoughts, he poured the tea for all four of them, taking extra care to give Taekwoon the biggest cup, Hongbin noticed. Wonshik waited silently for the explanation, despite the fact his leg bounced a little impatiently.

Once Hakyeon had settled into his seat, he spoke. "A month ago—"

"A month!" Wonshik interrupted. He only narrowly avoids spitting tea all over them, pulling his lips away from the cup just before he took any into his mouth. "Man, Jaehwan's going to give me an earful for not telling him sooner…"

Hakyeon smiled into his cup as he took a sip. "I would ask you not to tell him, but I know how week you are to those puppy-dog eyes of his."

Wonshik groaned. "Damn right."

"'A month ago'..." Taekwoon prompted. He hadn't looked like he'd been listening, but he apparently had.

Hakyeon's smile disappeared. He stared into his cup for several moments, then his eyes flicked up to meet Hongbin's. They revealed nothing and he looked away just as quickly. "He was beaten and stabbed, so I brought him here to heal him," Hakyeon said plainly, "And he's been recovering with me since."

"Stabbed‽" Wonshik looked genuinely horrified, "Who in Mikyung would do that?"

"Could've been a traveler," Taekwoon pointed out.

Wonshik turned his attention over to Hongbin. "Do you remember anything about them?"

Hongbin froze up instinctively, as he always did when he had to spare a minute to think about the attack. There was a little barrier he'd put up to stop himself for thinking about it, but it wasn't terribly effective. It only worked when he was distracted and prompted with so direct a question…

"He has amnesia." Hakyeon touched Wonshik's arm to bring the attention back to him. Hongbin swallowed back a ' _thank you_ '. "I've had Sanghyuk working on it the best he can."

Hongbin didn't have the energy to ask who Sanghyuk was, but he sounded like an investigator of some sort. It was the first time he'd heard of it, but then again, it was the first time he'd considered reporting it. He'd been so focused on other things… Strangely, was a little grateful Hongbin hadn't asked him about it. He wouldn't have known how to respond.

"That's good," Taekwoon said, but he didn't look like he really believed that. His face was screwed up a bit as he took another sip of tea.

"But what about Kiyoung? Why not bring Hongbin down to him?"

Hakyeon looked to Hongbin looking like he wanted to say something. Hongbin stood from his seat, feeling like he was going to fall right out of his chair anyways. "I'm going to get some air," he said in the most pleasant voice he could manage. He avoided looking with everyone as he stepped onto the porch. The tension in his shoulders eased slightly as he leaned heavily on his cane, feeling the cold fall air cleanse his lungs. He thought about simple things for a moment, thinking fondly of Hakyeon's tea.

"You've never trusted him…" Wonshik's voice interrupted Hongbin's quiet thoughts, "You haven't even been to Kiyoung's practice for years."

Hakyeon gave a rushed _hush_ sound and the voices returned to a low murmur Hongbin couldn't make out.

Hongbin let out a shaky breath and stepped off the porch, flinching as a glint of something caught his eye. He wanted to look at it, but he stubbornly refused to, instead grabbing the stem of a flower violently. One by one, he ripped the petals off watching them flutter to the ground as if they were the only thing to exist. If he focused hard enough—

Then the sounds of coins hit him. Hongbin's breath was stolen from his lungs as he turned around.

It felt dark somehow like his eyes weren't working properly. His clothes were clinging to his sweat covered skin and he wanted to peel off his jacket even though everything told him not to. Instead, he clung to it desperately.

" _Hand it over._ "

Hongbin shivered violently as the voice came from over his shoulder. It was lower than it should be, the man's voice crackling with the strain of modifying it. Hongbin didn't so much as shake his head no. A glint blinded him again. A knife. He watched with horror as the moonlight shone against the polished metal and the smell of smoke and sharp herbs overcame him. Someone was close behind him. He could almost feel their hands moving towards him, but he couldn't move.

His jacket was gone, his purse heavy at his waist. He wanted to reach for it, but he couldn't move. So, he just stood horrified, staring at the knife and waiting for the hit to land.

And then he was in a cold sweat, shaking in someone's arms. He wasn't even standing anymore. Inside his chest, his heart hammered so heavily that it felt like it was in his throat. He wanted to throw up.

"Hongbin," said a voice, soft and quiet, the exact opposite of the other one.

It took him a moment to even recognize the name. Hongbin stayed perfectly still in the arms, trying to push past it all. He didn't want to shake anymore. He didn't want to remember.

"Hongbin."

His eyes slid upwards to meet Hakyeon's. _He_ was the one holding him. Hongbin stared into his brown eyes for several long moments, clinging to their depth as he dragged his mind away from everything.

Hongbin had been crying. The only evidence he had was the sticky feeling of the dried tears on his cheek. "Hakyeon," Hongbin said, trying to keep his voice steady. It cracked. "Are Wonshik and Taekwoon still here?"

Hakyeon's eyes flickered with something negative, but his face remained kind, a calming smile pulling up the corner of his lip. "They are."

"You should go back to them," Hongbin said. He extracted himself gently from Hakyeon's hold, settling onto the grass next to the flower bed. He stared at the Mugunghwa dispassionately.

Hakyeon didn't move for a minute, and then he put a comforting hand on Hongbin's arm. "Let me get you a book and you can sit in the shed. It's too cold to sit out here."

Hongbin wanted to say ' _no_ '. Rejoining the group was what he should do, but he felt exhausted. Instead, he nodded numbly and played with the scattered flower petals.

Hakyeon spared him one last smile that made Hongbin's heart flutter, and then he went inside.

* * *

 

Hakyeon was hyper-aware of Hongbin's presence behind him. He was scribbling away at the table in his sketchbook, a little more fervently than usual. Everything about him seemed more closed off than before. Turned slightly away from Hakyeon, his shoulders hunched over his work… Seeing him like this made Hakyeon's heart ache.

He hadn't asked him about yesterday. It wasn't his place. If Hongbin wanted to talk about it, he'd talk about it. And Hakyeon got the distinct feeling he wouldn't.

Regardless, Hakyeon would never forget about the look in Hongbin's eyes. He'd looked so distant and scared and no matter how many times he'd whispered Hongbin's name, he hadn't snapped out of it. It wasn't until he'd slowly started to shake and come out of whatever trance was affecting him on his own that Hongbin even looked at him. He wasn't sure what had happened to Hongbin, but it shook Hakyeon to the bone. He hoped desperately he'd never see it again.

"How are you feeling?" Hongbin interrupted Hakyeon's thoughts.

Hakyeon smiled a little as he turned to face Hongbin. Such a simple topic was almost relieving. "Fine," Hakyeon said, "I'm not feeling very tired lately."

"Good," Hongbin said, finally looking up to him. They met eyes and Hakyeon's heart eased. "I've been thinking about it… and I don't think you should keep making me potions."

"But—"

"I won't drink them," Hongbin said stubbornly, turning his attention back to his sketchbook. He closed himself off from Hakyeon again. "You have other things to tend to."

Hakyeon bit back a statement of ' _you're more important_ '. Hongbin was well enough he probably didn't really need the potions… The only real thing of concern any more was the broken bones and there were no herbs Hakyeon had ever found to help with that.

He turned back to the stove, removing the fish that would be today's lunch from the stove. With the conversation over, he settled right back into noticing every small move Hongbin made. He listened to the scratch of the shortening pencil, the sound of each little sigh he gave before using the eraser… Quietly, Hakyeon turned to face him again, studying his features from profile.

He looked so tired. If it hadn't been for the fact that Hakyeon had gotten very little sleep himself, he would've assumed it'd been nightmares. It hadn't been that, because Hongbin slept through the night. Hongbin was simply drained. He was shaky, too, Hakyeon noted. When his hand stopped for even a moment, there'd be a telltale shiver in his grip of the pencil.

Hakyeon's gaze drifted down a bit and he scolded himself as he caught a glimpse of Hongbin's art. He ripped his eyes away and returned to the fish. He'd been trying hard not to encroach on his space, only looking at what Hongbin had allowed him to.

Wait.

"What are you drawing?" Hakyeon asked. Whatever he'd just seen wasn't the scenery he'd been expecting.

Hongbin didn't answer straight away. Hakyeon took a few steps closer, still not looking at the sketchbook. Hongbin didn't bring it closer to himself, though. "I was… I was drawing the three of you. Yesterday," Hongbin said.

"Can I see?" Hakyeon's voice was full of genuine excitement and curiosity.

Hongbin seemed to pick up on that because color filled his cheeks as he slid the sketchbook across the table to him.

Hakyeon's eyes widened. Gathered around a table were him, Wonshik, and Taekwoon, all three in different states of enjoying their tea. Hongbin couldn't have watched the two visitors for more than a minute or two yesterday, but somehow, he'd captured their body language perfectly. Wonshik sat wide with his legs apart and his arms resting softly on the table, uncrossed. Open to interaction, just like he always was. Taekwoon was gripping his teacup in his hands like a lifeline. He was much smaller than Wonshik, huddling a little in his chair. But he looked like he was listening. His eyes were rested subtly on Hakyeon, who sat at the head of the table in the middle of the drawing. Of course, Hakyeon didn't know what he looked like to an observer, so he could only guess that he looked like himself. But if Hongbin's interpretations of Taekwoon and Wonshik were anything to go by, he'd captured him perfectly.

In all his studying, Hakyeon had forgotten entirely to respond. Sucking in the breath he'd lost, he looked back up to Hongbin. "It's gorgeous," he said.

He'd seen Hongbin's scenery sketches before, and those had also been pretty, but this was on another level. The scenery had been beautiful, but impersonal. This…

Hongbin avoided his gaze, the pencil sliding from his grasp to rest on the table. "Thank you," he whispered, "No one's ever told me that before."

"What?" Hakyeon asked in disbelief.

Hongbin turned a little red. "I… Well, most of the time people don't ask to see."

"Did you not learn this from anyone?"

Hongbin's face fell and he reached for the sketchbook. Worried he'd somehow offended him, Hakyeon let him take it, although he was disappointed, he couldn't look through it more.

"I was… I was an artist's model before I came here."

Hakyeon was taken aback. Only a model? He'd expected more than that considering the quality of work.

Hongbin's face had been swollen and bruised from since Hakyeon had met him, so he hadn't paid very close attention to whether Hongbin was handsome or not. But now that he looked, _really_ looked, it was horribly obvious. Hongbin was perhaps one of the most handsome people he'd ever seen. His lips were beautifully shaped, his face a middle-ground between round and sharp… He was almost _perfect._ A model made lots of sense.

Hakyeon blushed as he caught up with his own thoughts and turned them back to where they belonged.  He cleared his throat. "And you learned from them? You picked up quite a bit."

Hongbin let out a long breath. He unfolded from himself a bit, leaning back in his chair. For a moment, his mouth opened and closed, like he was debating what to say. Finally, he just shook his head. "I thought I was his apprentice, so I paid very close attention."

Hakyeon settled down at the table, ready to listen to whatever Hongbin had to say. This was the first time he had heard him speak of the time before Hakyeon had found him.

Hongbin read his intention easily and although his eyes darted around as if looking for an escape, but after a moment he spoke up. "I've always quite liked art, but it wasn't what my family wanted from me. They thought me better suited as an official." Hongbin said this like he was letting a great weight off his chest, but it took a moment for the implication to sink in for Hakyeon.

An official… The truth was that Hakyeon had never even considered what Hongbin's family was like, or what background he'd come from, but a noble? It threw him off balance a bit to know that Hongbin had grown up his entire life surrounded by servants. He'd never have guessed from his nature. But, he supposed, not all noble families were really _rich_ … There were dozens of questions Hakyeon wanted to ask but he kept silent, instead nodding for Hongbin to continue.

Hongbin looked relieved, yet surprised that Hakyeon didn't press. He met Hakyeon's eyes, then quickly looked away again. Hakyeon clung to that glance. "It wasn't like they disowned me when I left, but they weren't going to support me either… So I was more than happy to accept an offer from the first artist who would take me on."

Hakyeon frowned. "And they lied to you."

"They never lied," Hongbin said quietly, "They just never told me the truth either. It was easier to keep me around that way."

Hakyeon's jaw tightened. "They _lied_." It disgusted him to think about it. He was completely unable to keep that emotion out of his voice.

For several long moments, Hongbin rolled the pencil between his fingers as he thought. In the end, he didn't speak on it at all. "I found out the night I headed to Mikyung. That's why I was traveling."

' _The night I headed to Mikyung_ ', Hakyeon noticed. Not ' _the night I was attacked_ ' or ' _the night you found me_ '. He swallowed as he realized Hongbin was still avoiding the very thought of it. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be." Hongbin was a little quick to speak. Every muscle in him looked to stiff. "I've always been a selfish creature."

"Want—wanting to be an artist isn't selfish, Hongbin. Not wanting to be used isn't either."

Hongbin smiled sadly. "Perhaps."

Hakyeon reached for his hand without thinking. Their fingers brushed and Hongbin finally looked to him again. His eyes were almost panicked. "Hongbin… You're not selfish."

Their gazes held for too long to be anything but romantic. Something crackled in the air as they looked at each other, contradicting emotions meeting between them. Hakyeon's breath had stopped in his lungs as he waited for a response. He rubbed the back of Hongbin's hand with his thumb, not sure if he's trying to reassure him or…

Hongbin took in a sharp breath loud enough that Hakyeon could hear it and he jerked his hand away. Hakyeon felt his fingers turn cold and he mourned the loss of contact.

Hongbin stood, his eyes strangely sad. But he put on a little smile for Hakyeon anyways. "It's over now," he said simply, "And… well, I'll either find another master to take me seriously or I'll go home."

Hakyeon had a thought. "Wait. Shouldn't you tell your family where you are?"

"They won't worry. I've never been consistent with the letters."

"Are you sure? I can send it out from town."

"I'm sure. We're not the type to be… happy to see each other."

Hakyeon looked away. "Oh."

He'd never had much family to speak of, other than his mother, and he'd been so close to her. The idea that Hongbin had almost been killed and he didn't even want to send them a note… it was almost foreign.

"I'll send them a letter if you want me to," Hongbin said. He looked down to Hakyeon with a bit of a teasing glint in his eyes.

"No, no," Hakyeon rushed to clear the contemplative look from his eyes, "That's your choice."

Hongbin's face turned a little more serious but soft. "Were you thinking about your mother?"

Hakyeon's eyes widened. The muscles in his shoulders went tense. "I didn't know I was so easy to read," he said lightly.

"Only—" Hongbin was about to say something, but he cut himself off. Hakyeon gave him a curious look. "Only sometimes," he said. But it rang false. It wasn't what he'd meant to say.

Hakyeon didn't push. "I was. We were very close."

"How… If I'm not being rude, how'd she die?"

There was a pang of grief in Hakyeon's heart as he leaned back in his chair so he could look at Hongbin properly. "Heart attacks," he said simply.

"'Attack _s_ '?" Hongbin echoed.

"She started having chest pains, so I took her down the mountain to meet the doctor and he…" Hakyeon scowled, remembering the foul memory. "He told us nothing was wrong. Just that she ought to get some rest."

" _What_?"

"So that's what I did, but the chest pains kept getting worse and worse and when I finally realized what was going on…" Hakyeon trailed off, tears pricking at his eyes. He rushed to wipe them away, finally breaking eye contact with Hongbin. "Well, I couldn't save her and neither could the doctor."

"That's awful."

Hakyeon shrugged. "Magic could've saved her. If we'd known what was going on."

"It can do that?"

"If you know anatomy," Hakyeon said, his eyes going to his bookshelf involuntarily, "Not that I did," he admitted.

"So that's why you…"

"I like to use my magic to heal people," Hakyeon said, leveling Hongbin with his gaze once more. He looked a little taken aback from the seriousness in his tone. "After I couldn't heal her, I…"

Silence settled over them and Hakyeon's gaze slid away to look at the table as he tried to hold back even more tears. This was the first time he'd told anyone this. Even Wonshik and Taekwoon, friends from childhood, had never known. They didn't know about his magic. But Hongbin did and he wasn't even scared of it. It felt like such a relief. He didn't blame himself for her death anymore, but all the same… it was amazing to _tell_ someone.

Hongbin moved his chair closer to Hakyeon, close enough that their shoulders brushed. "And because you knew all that you could save me?"

Hakyeon smiled, a broader and brighter one than perhaps the moment deserved, but he couldn’t help it. "I'm so happy you're alive," he said his voice breaking.

Hongbin went silent beside him, but then pulled him into a hug. Hakyeon was only stiff for a moment, and then he returned the hug with near relief.

"Thank you," Hongbin said.

Hakyeon buried his face into his shoulder, his heart beating uncomfortably fast. Hongbin felt so warm and comforting against him. It was the most amazing feeling in the world. And it felt _perfect_  like this was how it was always meant to be. Hakyeon nearly cried again from that alone.

But this was also the first time Hongbin had touched him of his own volition and didn't immediately retreat with a guilty look on his face. It was a milestone, Hakyeon thought, only he didn't understand why.

As he sat there, cuddled into Hongbin soothing arms with his racing heartbeat, he thought that there were probably a few things he needed to talk to Wonshik about.

* * *

 

Hongbin couldn't focus on sketching for the pettiest of reasons.

He knew that he had no right to be by Hakyeon's side at every second, but all the same he couldn't help but feel a little left out. When Wonshik had stopped by earlier that morning, Hongbin felt like he'd been purposefully excluded when Hakyeon suggested picking vegetables in his garden. Of course, he was just being paranoid. It only made sense that he stayed inside considering he could barely walk without a cane.

Hongbin shook his head and tried to draw again, but nothing came out. Heaving a long, sigh, he stood from the table and chucked this most recent failure into the fireplace. It was no use. He felt lonely… How pathetic.

Hongbin gathered up the sketchbook. Surely there wouldn't be any harm to joining them by sitting on the porch?

The door slid open silently, and since he didn't open it the whole way, it didn't bang. That was why neither Hakyeon or Wonshik heard him come out.

Wonshik's voice reached him immediately. "—sound like you're in a hurry to get rid of him."

Hongbin froze halfway out the door.

Hakyeon came into view, sitting on the low wall that surrounded the garden. "Don't say it like that," he said, his voice muffled as he buried his face into his hands, "That makes it sound like I don't want him here and it's the exact opposite. _That's_ the problem."

"You like him so much that you want to get rid of him."

Hongbin felt his heart give such a flutter that made him sick. He wasn't supposed to be hearing any of this, but he couldn't get himself to retreat back inside.

"Stop putting it like that!" Hakyeon said, his face clearly flushed even from this distance. There was a very long pause where neither he or Wonshik spoke, and then he slowly looked up from his hands. "Yes, Wonshik. I'm trying to get rid of him," Hakyeon said, his voice barely loud enough for Hongbin to hear, "I'm trying to get rid of him because I'm scared of not being alone anymore. And I'm scared that he hates me anyways. And now I'm scared that… he's an _amazing_ artist. If I were to ask him to stay… He could never show anyone that. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

Hongbin's heart ached and he swallowed back phrase after phrase he wanted to say.

"I'm _scared_ ," Hakyeon said.

"What are you babbling about?" Wonshik asked, coming into view long enough to bump Hakyeon with his shoe, "Have you even talked to him about this."

"Of course not!" Hakyeon got to his feet, turning away from Hongbin completely and pacing out of view. "What am I supposed to do? Say 'put your life on hold so we can try this'‽ 'Live with me deep in the mountains where no one lives, ignore the outside world, forget your dreams, stay with me'‽ That sound ridiculous to me. Doesn't it to you?"

Tears unexpectedly filled Hongbin's eyes. It wasn't ridiculous, it was beautiful. He could barely even breathe from the thought of it. He wanted it more than anything. If Hakyeon ever did ask him, he wondered if he'd even be strong enough to turn him down.

And that made him light-headed with guilt.

"It'll be easier to pretend nothing has happened, Wonshik. Won't it?" Hakyeon asked, his voice plaintive.

"But that's not what you want."

There was a long silence where no one moved and no one spoke, least of all Hongbin who wished desperately he could will his legs to move.

"No. No, it isn't."

Hongbin finally stumbled back inside and closed the door just as silently as he'd opened it. Before he could even reach the chair, his cane fell out from underneath him and he collapsed to the floor. Guilt flooded every limb and he was crying before he knew it.

He practically begged himself to stop. Crying like this would only make Hakyeon ask questions, but he couldn't get his body to obey. He felt heavy… so heavy. What had he _done_?

He'd known Hakyeon had a crush, but this was so much worse. Now he was confronted with that fact and what was he going to do? What could he say?

He needed to leave. Soon. He couldn't allow Hakyeon to fall in love with him.

* * *

 

Hakyeon was honestly becoming a little annoyed with the whiplash Hongbin was giving him. One second, he'd been perfectly willing to hug him, and now Hakyeon couldn't drag more than a handful of words out of him. Hakyeon even asked for Hongbin's help with dinner, something he hadn't refused since Hakyeon had started to ask. It would disturb him if it weren't for the fact that Hongbin clearly wasn't sick.

No. Something else had gone wrong and for the life of him, Hakyeon couldn't figure it out.

With a long sigh, Hakyeon pulled the knife from the drawer and started to slice up the fish. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to come up with a conversation. "Um… do you like the colder weather?" he asked.

"Not really."

Hakyeon waited for elaboration or even the return of the question, but he got none. He bit his cheek. "How about the flowers? The Mugunghwa are pretty this time of year."

This didn't earn him a sentence, only a soft hum of agreement.

"How's the book?" Hakyeon asked. He'd been reading basically non-stop since Wonshik's visit yesterday.

"Good."

Still, no elaboration and Hakyeon frowned. He turned in a huff to find Hongbin already staring at him. He threw an arm up in exasperation. "Okay, what's wrong?"

And he was answered promptly. Almost immediately, Hongbin froze, his eyes going distant. Hakyeon's heart missed a beat as he realized he recognized this. Immediately, he set the knife on the table and rushed over. His hands hovered over Hongbin, but don't quite touch as he wrestled with indecision. This was the same as the first day Wonshik visited and he didn't know what to do now anymore than he did before. There was nothing he _could_ do.

At a loss, Hakyeon eventually just wrapped Hongbin into his arms, pulling him close. Hongbin was stock still in his hug, other than his heaving chest. He was struggling to breathe.

Hakyeon desperately wanted to use magic to whisk it all away, but he couldn't. This wasn't anything physical. It had nothing to do with all the anatomy he'd studied and if there was a way for his magic to soothe a soul, Hakyeon didn't know of it.

He felt Hongbin slowly calm down more than he saw it. First, he began to cry, then he started to tremble, and then he went limp in Hakyeon's arms. He was terribly delicate as Hakyeon rubbed circles into his back, silently encouraging him to cry.

But Hongbin wasn't calming down. Magic returned as Hakyeon's only answer. He didn't know what else to do.

Hakyeon bit his lip and pulled one arm away just enough to set his hand in his lap. Slowly, so as not to alarm Hongbin, he started a small, flickering flame in his palm. Something simple, but memorizing. Warm, hopefully, and comforting, he hoped.

It worked, at least a little. Hongbin's sobs turned more into a hiccup and Hakyeon could feel his attention shifting. He shifted so that one arm remained slung over Hongbin's shoulder and the burning hand was in front of them. Hongbin followed the flame with his eyes. Hakyeon tried to hide the relieved sigh that went through his body.

Hongbin's tears dried up, but to Hakyeon's surprise, he didn't shift away. He stayed close, tucked into the space between his torso and armpit. It made Hakyeon feel special. Loved. The flame flickered, almost going out, until Hakyeon focused again.

"It's beautiful."

Hakyeon swallowed past the lump in his throat. He had to see Hongbin so broken, and then the first words he'd said complemented the very thing he'd tried so hard to hide his whole life? It was almost hard for his heart to take. The flame nearly went out again as his concentration wavered, but he focused again. For Hongbin's sake.

Hongbin took a hold of Hakyeon's wrist and gently brought the flame closer to him, seeming almost protective of it. Hakyeon couldn't help but smile at the sight. Hongbin lifted a finger to hover just over the flickering fire, close enough to feel the heat but not close enough to burn. Hakyeon kept a careful eye anyways.

After a long while, Hongbin let out a shattered sigh. He lowered himself even deeper into Hakyeon's arms bringing the flame-filled hand with him. Hakyeon had to hold back a gasp from the contact.

"The knife…" Hongbin whispered.

Hakyeon had to bite his tongue not to ask for elaboration. If Hongbin was going to tell his story, he needed to let him tell it at his own pace.

Hongbin heaved another broken breath before continuing. "It was the first thing I saw. In the moonlight, it was so blinding… I can still see it…"

Hakyeon's heart sunk as he looked to the kitchen table and the knife he'd set aside. Had that been what'd done it? He'd remember that.

"And I almost thought I'd never seen anything so beautiful before I realized it was terrifying." Hongbin let out a dry laugh. "I'd been so stupid, Hakyeon. I never thought about how much money I was carrying. That's just the kind of entitled person I am and I—"

He broke off and Hakyeon had to hold back all the many retorts he had to Hongbin's self-loathing statements. Now wasn't the time to interrupt, no matter the reason.

"I took off my jacket and that was all that you could hear in the middle of the night. The wind and the jingle of coins. So, of course, they came out of the trees and I saw the knife. The beautiful, shining knife."

A shiver racked Hongbin's body and Hakyeon instinctively pulled him closer.

"And then they asked me to hand the money over and I gave it without question, but do you know what they did?"

Hakyeon didn't dare ask.

"They told me it wasn't everything. They told me I had to have something else in my pockets, but I didn't. And then one of them stabbed me," Hongbin sucked in a breath and he pulled the flame closer, the fire licking at his skin and making it red. Hakyeon barely managed to keep it burning. "I felt it slide into the skin and the muscle and the veins and I felt the blood turn warm against my legs as it flowed. But everything else was cold. It was so hot, but everything was cold."

He was describing it in such detail, Hakyeon realized that this is what he remembered. Every excruciating second of it, he remembered. From the temperature to the feeling of blood against his skin to the sound… Hakyeon might throw up from the thought of it.

Hongbin sucked a spit-filled breath as tears overflowed again. "I thought it'd be over, but it wasn't. I fell to the ground and they started to kick me, still demanding the money but I couldn't give anything else, so they stabbed me some more. I used my arms to block them at first, but then they were too weak and then…" Hongbin's demeanor shifted. His knuckles went white as he gripped the yo's blanket. Color returned to his cheeks as anger set in. "I begged them to stop. And they didn't."

The muscles in Hakyeon's neck stiffened. It took almost all of his effort not to extract himself from Hongbin right then and march into town, demanding to see whoever had done this. The thought of someone doing this to Hongbin… the man he was starting to love….

The flame flickered out as all of Hakyeon's concentration disappeared. Hongbin stared at his empty palm listlessly, the brief anger gone.

"And then it was over. I couldn't see or think and I fell asleep and I thought I'd die. Alone. In the woods. Because of my own stupidity." He let go of Hakyeon's wrist gently, letting his hand fall into Hakyeon's lap. "But you found me."

His head turned a little and Hakyeon became acutely aware that their lips were mere inches from each other. He could feel Hongbin's breath against his cheek. Their eyes locked. Hongbin felt it too.

And for the first time, Hongbin didn't pull away.

But he didn't lean in closer either.

"—" Hongbin started, then frowned as he tried to find the right words. He looked away, the moment disappearing, "I have to leave."

Hakyeon's heart sunk. Yes. He did. Hongbin needed to leave and be an artist and wow the world—be the person he wanted to be. Not a hermit in the mountains.

"But I want to find them first," Hongbin said, a resolve in his eyes Hakyeon had honestly not seen before. His deep brown eyes turned sharp and angry. "I want to make sure they know that they didn't kill me and that they aren't going to kill _anyone_."

Hakyeon nodded, his hand subconsciously rubbing Hongbin's arm lightly.

The anger fled Hongbin's eyes and got replaced by something close to fear. They widened almost imperceptibly, then squinted closed. He bit his lip and curled up tight into himself, shrinking away from Hakyeon ever so slightly. "And I need to leave. I can't… take advantage of your hospitality any longer."

Hakyeon felt a stab at his heart at the words. It wasn't hospitality that made him want to keep Hongbin here, but he couldn't tell him that. He should pull away now, remove the all too intimate hand on his arm. He couldn't bring himself to. "Will you be up to a trip down the mountain?"

Hongbin hesitated before answering. "Not alone."

Hakyeon nodded. "We'll go to Sanghyuk. And I'll find you a place to stay, with Wonshik or Taekwoon or the inn…" then Hakyeon smiled emptily, attempting levity, "and we'll visit the actual doctor. Just in case."

Hongbin didn't react, continuing to bury his face into his knees. After a long moment of silence, he looked up only enough to stare out into the room, avoiding Hakyeon's eyes. "Thank you, Hakyeon. For everything."

Unsure how to respond, Hakyeon sat nearly frozen until Hongbin's breathing turned soft and even. He'd fallen asleep. Hakyeon unwrapped himself from around him and carefully laid Hongbin into the yo.

In his sleep, while Hakyeon filled the pot with water, he thought he heard Hongbin whisper _'I'm sorry.'_


	5. Chapter 5

Hongbin woke up exhausted in more ways than one. Every inch of his body felt heavy and cumbersome, but it was really his chest that felt the worst. It wasn't just that he was emotionally drained for the entire week, he'd sobbed in his sleep. His pillow and cheeks were still wet with tears. Rubbing away the saltwater with his sleeve, he slowly drug up the memories from the night before. Just after he resolved to stop leading Hakyeon on, he'd clung to him like a child, practically begging for his comfort while he cried. Why had he done that? What had he been thinking?

He buried his face in his hands, hating himself.

"Good morning."

Hongbin looked up to see Hakyeon stoking the fire in the stove, preparing for the morning meal. Hongbin let out a breath. "Good morning."

Hakyeon gave him a small, sweet smile and bustled around his morning routine.

Without meaning to, Hongbin watched him closely and with no small amount of fondness and admiration. Watched him pull on his jacket, get the water from the pump, set it to boil, fetch all the ingredients for breakfast…

There had developed a sense of peace and belonging in this, he realized. In waking up together and starting their day. It'd become an indescribable comfort and that settled uneasily in his gut. He'd allowed this to get too far out of hand.

Forcing himself to look away, Hongbin pulled out his sketchbook and focused on that instead. He tried drawing all manner of things—Hakyeon, the scenery, his sister Sebin… But it was all coming out too dark and harsh, more stylized than realistic. With a sigh, he set it aside.

"Can you get me a bowl? I forgot and now my hands are covered in tomato juice…" Hakyeon sounded a little embarrassed and Hongbin thought it was cute before he could remind himself not to feel that way.

Hongbin didn't object of course. He reached for his cane and hauled himself up on it. His limp was improving steadily, but he still felt a bit reliant on the cane. It would be a wonder if he didn't feel like his hand was empty when he didn't need it anymore.

He knew where everything in Hakyeon's kitchen was now, so he fetched the bowl with practiced ease and placed it in front of Hakyeon. It was becoming a growing trend that he wasn't paying close enough attention to how close he got to Hakyeon, and this was no exception. Without meaning to, he found himself close enough behind him to feel his body heat. Hakyeon didn't react at all, completely unaware.

Hongbin just stood there for a moment, letting it sink in that if today went their way, this would be the last morning together. It might be their last moments alone together.

Could he allow himself one small indulgence?

He was half horrified by the thought, but his body was already moving on its own. He closed the distance between them. They were only millimeters apart now. With an ease that should've frightened him, his hand found itself on Hakyeon's waist as he rested his head on his shoulder.

Hakyeon stiffened instantly and Hongbin heard him take in a gulp of air and not release it. "I thought you didn't like tomatoes," he commented, mostly trying to fill the empty air.

Hakyeon didn't answer and he didn't relax.

Hongbin made a noise and pulled away suddenly as if he'd somehow just forgotten himself. "Sorry! I got a little close."

Hakyeon started to breathe again, the breath audible. He looked at Hongbin out of the corner of his eyes. "It's fine…" he whispered. And then he returned to the tomatoes without answering, making Hongbin wonder if he'd heard the question.

Hongbin's fingers burned and he flexed them subconsciously, hoping to hold that feeling there forever. Because that was it. That was the one self-indulgence he'd allow himself. Now he just needed to let Hakyeon fall in love with someone more suitable.

"The pot is overflowing again," he pointed out with a smile.

* * *

Making their way down the mountain was slower than usual with Hongbin's leg taken into account. Each step had to be chosen carefully despite the well-worn road. Hakyeon kept trying to suggest they turn back, but Hongbin was being unusually stubborn.

In all fairness, it wasn't _just_ Hongbin that was slowing them down. Every time their hands brushed or Hakyeon took his arm to support him gently over a rock, he found himself remembering that morning… It'd been such a small moment but it was ingrained into his mind already. Hongbin had taken initiative to touch him only once before, and that was a hug—to extend comfort. This wasn't that. It had almost been… romantic.

Hakyeon had honestly not allowed himself to think that Hongbin might be interested in him. He liked to _imagine_ it, but he wasn't about to delude himself into believing it was true. Now that he _had_ thought of it, it was beautiful.

He gave a sidelong glance to Hongbin and was surprised when their eyes met. Hongbin looked away like he hadn't been looking in the first place. As Hakyeon hid a smile, he recognized the beginning of the hustle and bustle of the streets of Mikyung. A cart clattered past them, carrying a myriad of fall produce.

"We must be getting close."

"Yeah," Hakyeon muttered, feeling the atmosphere of the town closing in on him already.  It wasn't just the influx of noise and slowly retreating nature, there was a different feeling in the air. It was almost… heavier.

The town wasn't really noticeable until they were right on top of it. Hongbin tripped over himself and Hakyeon hurried to catch him. "It's bigger than I thought," Hongbin said.

Hakyeon furrowed his brow but smiled. "People usually say the opposite."

Hongbin shrugged. "It's been a while since I've seen a city."

 _Two days shy of a month_ , Hakyeon thought. Not that he was counting. "It's not a city," Hakyeon pointed out with some amusement, "Less than 5,000 people live here."

"My hometown's bigger," Hongbin said, studying the buildings with some interest, "But I wouldn't have guessed."

"It's the only settlement I've ever known and even it's too big for me…" Hakyeon said, gently taking Hongbin's arm and leading him in the direction of Jaehwan's shop.

"You never traveled?"

"Not very… _safe_ for my mother," Hakyeon said, choosing his words carefully in case anyone overheard, "and I wasn't the wanderlust type."

"That doesn't surprise me," Hongbin said lightly. He extracted his arm from Hakyeon's grasp. Hakyeon hadn't even noticed he was still holding it. "Where are we going?"

Hakyeon shook himself mentally, letting his hand fall to his side. He didn't need to babysit Hongbin any more. "Jaehwan's café. He's Wonshik's husband so we can ask him if there's room for you to stay…" The last word stuck in his throat, so it was barely above a hoarse whisper.

"Oh…"

Uncomfortable silence covered the two of them as Hakyeon led the way. Relief flooded him when he saw the sign to the café. "We're here," he said.

"'Ken's Café'." Hongbin read.

"You can read English?" Hakyeon regretted the question as soon as he asked it. Of course, Hongbin could. He'd mentioned he was from some sort of nobility so he'd probably been tutored.

Hongbin shifted uncomfortably. "A little."

"It's a stupid name." Hakyeon rushed to change the subject as he went to open the door. "There's no one in the entire town named 'Ken'."

Hongbin smiled a little and the brilliance of it forced Hakyeon to look away. He pushed open the door, expecting to see Jaehwan manning the front as usual, but instead, there was another familiar face. "Kangmin?"

"Welcome to Ken's Café, sirs," Kangmin said with a bow.

Hakyeon smiled teasingly. "Do your parents know about _this_ job, at least?" he asked with _faux_ exasperation. Kangmin had always been the restless sort, eager to head out into the world. While his family's financial status wasn't great, they weren't in a bad enough position that warranted their only child to work. He'd gone behind his family's back an uncountable number of times to pick up odd jobs.

Kangmin smiled. " _This_ one, Mr. Cha," he assured him.

Hakyeon nodded his approval. "Is Jaehwan here?"

"I can check."

"Thanks. Tell him it's Hakyeon and his friend."

" _'Friend'_ ," Kangmin said with a wink, then disappeared.

Hakyeon could've died at the implication. He sent a desperate look to Hongbin who was suddenly very interested in the decor of the café. "Uh, we should sit," Hakyeon stuttered out.

Hongbin plopped down on the nearest chair and Hakyeon settled across the table from him, picking at the lacquer. He should've never told Wonshik his little crush when he knew it'd be passed on to Jaehwan…

 _'Crush'_ …That wasn't the right word for it. It was certainly more than that. He let his gaze drift upwards to Hongbin's profile. Right now, he had this soft blush on the tips of his ears and his lips were thinned slightly, like he was holding back a smile. He looked… adorable. He always looked adorable. And lovable. And kind. And—

Hakyeon cut himself off with a near-violent shake of the head. He had a little more than a crush and he could admit that. But either way, Hongbin was going to leave.

"Who was that?" Hongbin asked, dragging Hakyeon away from his darkening thoughts.

"Who?" Hakyeon stared at him for a moment before the previous minute's event returned to his mind. He blushed even an even darker shade somehow. "Oh. That's Kangmin. I've known him since he was a baby."

"Seems like a good kid…"

"He is."

With the conversation run dry, Hakyeon could only pray Jaehwan and Wonshik arrived soon.

As if summoned by the thought, Jaehwan emerged from the kitchen, rubbing some oil off his hands. Pump running poorly again, most likely. Hakyeon got to his feet greet him. Jaehwan enveloped him in a hug without asking. Although they hadn't grown up together like Hakyeon and Wonshik, the two were close. There was solidarity in their shared affection of Wonshik, even if they were completely different types of affection.

Hongbin moved to stand and greet him, but Jaehwan dismissed it with a wave of his hand, in mercy to his broken leg. "I was starting to think you were avoiding me," he said, adopting a patronizing stance towards Hakyeon.

"I'm sorry," Hakyeon said, truthfully, "I've only been busy, and it wasn't safe for him to make his way down the mountain."

Jaehwan smiled. "I was only teasing. But I am glad you visited." He turned his attention from Hakyeon and reached across the table to shake Hongbin's hand. "Jaehwan Lee," he said, "I've heard a _lot_ about you, Hongbin."

Hongbin looked confused by his tone, but Hakyeon was once again mortified by it. Couldn't Jaehwan just pretend for five seconds he wasn't so blatantly obvious towards his love interests?

"I'm sorry, but I'm not actually here on a housecall," Hakyeon said, forcing Jaehwan's interrogating gaze away from Hongbin, "I came to ask a favor."

"No need to be sorry. I'm happy to help," Jaehwan said.

"Do you have room for a third person for a couple days?" Hakyeon's voice was hesitant, even to his own ears. It sounded like he was dragging each word out individually like a burden—which was exactly how he felt.

Jaehwan regarded him for a moment and Hakyeon knew he was too easy to read yet again. After a moment, he met Hakyeon's gaze. "We're full up with just the two of us, I'm afraid. I mean, if you asked Wonshik he'd probably let you squeeze in, but…"

"I wouldn't want to disrupt you," Hongbin interrupted.

"Thank you," Jaehwan said, giving him a soft smile. His attention returned to Hakyeon. "Was there anything else?"

Hakyeon shook his head, not certain whether to thank or berate Jaehwan for what was likely a little white lie. He knew how large his and Wonshik's apartment was. "No. I'm sorry to bother you over something so small."

"Not at all. I'm only sorry to be of no help." Jaehwan looked crestfallen only for a moment before he recovered. "You two should have a cup on me."

"We're busy—" Hakyeon tried to say.

"I'll go track Wonshik down in the meantime and save you two a trip. He'll know of any vacancies in the inn or otherwise." Jaehwan kept his gaze on Hakyeon's and Hakyeon read it loud and clear. He'd lie so that Hongbin would have to stay up on the mountain.

A terrible part of him wanted to agree to such a lie, but he'd never forgive himself. If Hongbin wanted to leave, that was his choice and he wouldn't stop it. "If you promise to talk to him." Hakyeon hoped he got the message.

Guessing by the almost sympathetic look in his eyes, he had. "Alright," he finally turned his gaze over to Hongbin, "I know Hakyeon will want a green tea, but you…?"

"Coffee," Hongbin answered instantly, "Any coffee you have."

Jaehwan smiled, "That's more my style."

* * *

Hongbin shook his head in exasperation, hating himself more and more by the second as he walked down the village's sidewalk. "Not a single place to stay in the whole town? I don't believe it."

"We're too small to keep more than one inn open at any given time," Hakyeon said, "and too close-knit to really accept strangers into our home. Still… I'm sorry." Hakyeon looked like he was blaming himself for the lack of room, which was ridiculous.

"I just hate to impose on you any longer," Hongbin said, looking to Hakyeon out of the corner of his eye. Hakyeon looked deep in thought, although about what Hongbin couldn't guess. His eyes shifted over to look to Hongbin.

"I've already told you, I don't mind," he said softly, "I've gotten a little used to your company."

He smiled then and Hongbin felt his breath stutter. He looked away quickly to regain composure. "All the same…"

Hakyeon touched his shoulder lightly. "It's fine, Hongbin."

Hongbin felt his skin burn under the two layers of clothes. Without any subtlety, he stepped out of the grasp. Hurt flashed through Hakyeon's eyes as he pulled his arm back and Hongbin shoved down the pain in his heart. "Thank you," Hongbin said, trying to fill the silence.

"Of course." Hakyeon looked away like he didn't mean it at all.

Silence surrounded them until they reached the police station. Hongbin paused at the entrance, something Hakyeon noticed. He reached out to encourage him, but his fingers stopped just shy of touching him. He pulled away with a sad look in his eyes, but a smile on his face. "Do you want to tell him what you told me last night, or…"

Hongbin blinked, keeping his thoughts _away_ from last night completely. He studied the town seal above the door instead. "You," he answered in a voice barely above a whisper.

Hakyeon nodded before opening the door. Hongbin followed close behind. The door was unusually short, so he had to bend a little to get in. Beyond it, two women officers sat at the desk, chatting and enjoying their lunch break. When they saw Hakyeon, their eyes lit up. That was becoming a pattern as the two of them went around town. It seemed everyone here knew Hakyeon and loved him, too.

Hakyeon greeted them with equal enthusiasm. "Officer Sojin, Officer Nayoung!"

They both stepped forward and exchanged bows, smiles on their faces. One of them spoke up. "Are you here to see Sanghyuk?"

"Yeah. I thought he'd be in?"

Sojin and Nayoung exchanged an amused look.

There was a beat and then Hakyeon's eyebrows raised. "I thought Taekwoon should've left town by now?" he said. Hongbin looked at him, unsure what any of this had to do with Taekwoon.

One of the officers shrugged with a smile on her face. "Something's kept him longer."

Hakyeon sighed. "So he's over at Taekwoon's. Bothering him."

"How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bothering him!"

Hongbin jumped at the voice that suddenly appeared behind him. He turned to see a man in uniform, quite a bit younger than he would've expected. He wasn't exactly sure what he thought Officer Sanghyuk would look like, but this man hardly looked older than Kangmin.

"Sanghyuk! It's good to see you," Hakyeon said as if Sanghyuk hadn't said anything at all.

Sanghyuk hung his overcoat on the rack and sat his hat on top of it. He sighed and shook his head. "I'd say the same to you if you weren't convinced I was Taekwoon's personal demon."

"Aren't you?"

"No, I am not," Sanghyuk said definitely, "If he really minded he'd chase me off…"

"I think he's tried that before," Hakyeon said, faking annoyance.

"Enough!" Sanghyuk yelled, but there was a good-natured twinkle in his eyes. "Now what are you here for this time? Is this him?"

Hongbin forgot he was even involved in this conversation. He stiffened as attention returned to him. He hurried to bow and introduce himself. "Hongbin Lee."

"Hongbin, I'm Officer Han Sanghyuk. I've been working on your case." He returned the bow with surprising seriousness.

"Thank you for taking it," Hongbin said.

Sanghyuk gave him a slight smile and a nod. Hakyeon spoke up. "I was actually hoping to sit down with you alone," Hakyeon said, "I've got a bit more information, but perhaps Hongbin would like to hear a debrief of what you've gathered so far?"

Hongbin sucked in a breath, trying to decide for himself. A part of him wanted to say _'no'_ , but he also had to know if anyone had been caught. After a moment of indecision, he met Sanghyuk's gaze and nodded.

"I'm afraid I don't have much to report," Sanghyuk sighed, sticking his hands into his pockets, "Crime reported on the 17th of September and since then, there've been no sudden amounts of money appearing, no strange behavior, no confessions… We had one suspect, but he had an alibi that 20 other people corroborated. But, no other victims either. So our current theory is that they aren't from around here."

Hongbin looked down at his feet. "Oh…"

He saw Hakyeon take a step closer so that he could almost feel the heat of his shoulder, but they didn't touch.

"I'm sorry we don't have better news for you. We work hard, but there's only four of us." Sanghyuk sounded truly regretful.

Hongbin looked back to him. "No, of course not. Thank you for your work."

"You'll be the first to know of any developments, of course," Sanghyuk said.

Hongbin nodded, but there was no feeling behind it. He felt strangely hollow… Revenge hadn't been at the forefront of his mind throughout this whole event, but thinking that they may just get away with it made him sick.

Hakyeon stepped forward. "I've got a bit more to tell you in your office if you don't mind."

Sanghyuk shrugged. "Of course not. Mind if I eat?"

He and Hakyeon disappeared into another room that looked barely bigger than a jail cell. Hongbin briefly wondered if that's what it had been before it was an 'office'.

As soon as they were gone, he found himself at a loss for what to do, but thankfully the two other officers didn't let that last long. "Where are you from?" one asked.

The three of them made small talk, and it was the most pleasant interaction he'd had all day if he was being honest. There was a simplicity to it that made conversation came easily.

Until the end, when Hongbin remembered he should ask something else. "Um, when does a coach come through here? Y'know, to go to the next town?"

Nayoung answered quickly. "Every Wednesday at noon," she said, "Why? Are you leaving?"

Hongbin didn't mean to wince but he did. "Yes. I've got… I can't stay here forever."

"He's an artist."

Hakyeon's voice made him jump and Hongbin's breath stopped in his throat. When he turned to look at him, there was a sadness in Hakyeon's eyes that made him want to apologize. He hadn't discussed leaving with Hakyeon for a reason, and he hadn't meant for him to hear it this way either…

"An artist?" Sojin said, sounding impressed, "What do you paint?"

This lead into another easy conversation, this time with Sanghyuk and Hakyeon chiming in. It would've been relaxing if every so often Hongbin didn't notice Hakyeon's gaze drift over. Their eyes would meet, Hakyeon would flash him a fake smile, and they'd pretend it didn't happen over and over again.

Finally, Sanghyuk spoke up. "Didn't you say you still need to visit the doctor's, Hakyeon? It's getting late and the climb up the mountain takes a while."

Hakyeon nodded his agreement. "Yeah. Thank you for your help, Sanghyuk."

"It's my job. You can stop thanking me for it."

After all the goodbyes were said and resaid, Hakyeon and Hongbin finally left the station. For a long while, they walked in silence, only the sound of Hongbin's cane and the occasional passers-by interrupting them. Hongbin was acutely aware of Hakyeon next to him, even though he was trying not to be. He kept his distance as best as he could, careful never to let their fingers touch.

"You're leaving…" Hakyeon finally said.

Hongbin looked down to the ground. "Yes."

"I forgot that you'd do that." Hakyeon let out a hollow laugh. "For some reason in my head, you'd just live in Mikyung."

"I have to find a new mentor," Hongbin lied, "Unless there's a good one here you know of."

Hakyeon shook his head. "No there isn't."

Silence surrounded them again. Hakyeon's voice broke it, but Hongbin couldn't believe his ears.

"What?" he asked, turning to look at him for the first time since they'd left the station.

Hakyeon's mouth opened, then closed, and he shook his head. "Nevermind," he said, "It wasn't important."

Hongbin swallowed as Hakyeon passed him by. What he'd thought he heard him say was _'stay'_.

* * *

While they sat in silence in the doctor's waiting room, Hakyeon, unfortunately, had plenty of time to think. No matter what he did, his thoughts would wander to Hongbin. It was only natural, considering they were inches away, but that wasn't what he thought about. He couldn't help but feel a strange little gap in his heart as he remembered that Hongbin was going to leave.

It really was silly. He'd known. Just because Hongbin hadn't said explicitly he was going to go to another town, he should've expected it. Why would he stay around? There wasn't anything for him here.

"How are you feeling?" Hongbin asked him suddenly.

Hakyeon blinked, unsure as to why Hongbin would be asking _him_. "About what?"

Hongbin turned to look at him, his eyes surprisingly soft. "When was the last time you were here?"

"Oh…" Hakyeon swallowed as he realized that the last time had been when his mother died. He'd been so preoccupied he'd almost forgot. But he didn't actually feel uncomfortable here. He had a feeling that was because he was with Hongbin. "I'm alright, actually."

"I'm glad," Hongbin said with a smile.

"Lee Hongbin?"

Hakyeon recognized the voice, and he was happy to see yet another familiar face. "Yongseung!"

The young man had a reserved smile on his face as they approached. "I'm surprised to see you here, sir," he said.

"I'm surprised to see _you_ ," Hakyeon said, "Are you training to be a doctor?"

"Yes," Yongseung motioned for the two of them to follow him.

As Yongseung took Hongbin's vitals, Hakyeon took the opportunity to catch up about Yongseung's father. A year or two ago, he had gotten quite ill and taken Hakyeon's potions. Thankfully, Yongseung reported that he was doing much better now, and it was actually the inspiration behind him becoming a doctor.

After he'd taken his leave, Hakyeon returned his attention to Hongbin, who'd been strangely quiet. Hakyeon sat in the visitor's chair. "Is something wrong?"

Hongbin shifted in his seat on the hospital bed. He looked stubbornly at the floor. "It smells like smoke and…" he trailed off. Then his face went unsettlingly blank before he finally met Hakyeon's gaze. Warmth returned to his face, but it felt a little deceptive. "You seem to know everyone."

Hakyeon returned the smile with a more genuine one. "I've known Yongseung since he was a baby, too. As for knowing everyone… it just tends to happen with small towns."

"It has nothing to do with—" Hongbin cut himself off directly, any trace of a smile or other warmth completely gone from his face. He looked away abruptly. "Nevermind…"

Hakyeon's heart stuttered in his chest. "Are you really alright?"

Before he could get any sort of answer, the room's door opened. Hakyeon jumped to his feet and found himself face to face with Kiyoung.

He'd thought he was prepared, but he wasn't. Not in the least. Seeing Kiyoung's face made him sick, but he assumed that was more his fault than Kiyoung's. No doctor could be perfect 100% of the time and he needed to accept that.

He swallowed past the nausea gathering in his stomach and plastered on a smile. He forced a bow. "Doctor Kiyoung," he said with forced sweetness.

"Hakyeon! I almost didn't believe Yongseung when he said you were here." Kiyoung returned the greeting. "It's good to see you after all these years."

The two finally made eye-contact and Hakyeon was almost disappointed not to see even a trace of ill-will in Kiyoung's eyes. Instead, there was a sort of vulnerability to them.

Their gazes broke as Kiyoung turned his attention to the patient. "You must be Lee Hongbin?"

Hakyeon waited to hear an answer but was surprised when he heard none. "Um, yes," Hakyeon answered for him as he turned to see what was the matter.

Hongbin had gone completely white. A hole opened in Hakyeon's stomach.

"I thought he only had a broken leg," Kiyoung said, his voice laced with concern, "He looks worse off than that."

He took a step towards Hongbin and the man instantly got to his feet, forgetting his cane completely. With a clatter, he fell to the floor. Hakyeon couldn't breathe, didn't have time to think before placing himself between Kiyoung and Hongbin.

"Wha—is he alright?" Kiyoung asked.

Hakyeon struggled to find an answer; something that would both get Kiyoung out of the room, but wouldn't raise his suspicions either. "I—I thought he was up for an appointment, but doctor's frighten him. May—maybe next time."

Kiyoung's brow furrowed, but he pulled back all the same. "You've already paid me for your time, Hakyeon. Are you sure—"

"You'd better leave before he lashes out." The words were a lie, but the urgency in his voice wasn't. He wanted Kiyoung out of Hongbin's sight as soon as possible. Out of _his_ sight, too, or he might do something drastic.

Kiyoung's eyes narrowed sympathetically, but Hakyeon could only see malice in them now. "Alright. Let me know when you come next."

The moment the door clicked closed behind Kiyoung, Hakyeon collapsed on the ground next to Hongbin. He grabbed Hongbin's arms as gently as he could manage in his current state. Hongbin's eyes had gone distant again; his breathing was uneven and rapid. Hakyeon bit his lip, tears springing into his eyes.

He gently rubbed Hongbin's arm, whispering his name until he snapped out of it, like he always did, and shuddered on the cold floor of the doctor's office. Hakyeon wanted nothing more than to wrap him up in his arms, but Hongbin had shrugged him off so many times that day. It would be better not to do anything that might distress him more.

Hakyeon breathed in slowly, trying to calm himself before asking. "Is it him?"

Hongbin looked equal parts distressed and confused. His eyes darted around the room as he registered his surroundings, but they wouldn't land on Hakyeon. Finally, Hakyeon placed his hands on Hongbin's cheeks and forced his gaze forward. "Is it him?" he repeated, panic edging into his voice.

It took Hongbin several long moments and heaving breaths, but finally, he haltingly nodded 'yes'.

* * *

Hongbin forced out each word slowly, wishing with each and every one that he didn't have to say it all out loud. He was so done. He didn't want to talk about this anymore…

But this was important. He needed to get Kiyoung caught.

"It wasn't his face, it was his voice and the smell," he said, "I—I don't know if that's evidence enough, but I know… know it was—" and he couldn't force out the words past that. The sob finally escaped his lips and he buried his face into his hands. Hakyeon's hand rubbed his back softly.

"I'll prove it," Sanghyuk said definitively, "We know he didn't spend the money, so it's still there. Me and my officers can do it."

Hongbin didn't so much as nod. He trusted Sanghyuk completely. They'd only met a few hours before, but Sanghyuk was so confident and sure, he didn't dare doubt him. Plus, if he _didn't_ gather the evidence… Hongbin chased off that possibility in his head.

They'd caught him. That was that. He could breathe a little easier knowing at least no one else would be hurt.

"Officer Sojin, you're with me," Sanghyuk said, snatching up his coat and hat, "Officer Nayoung, hold down the fort."

And in a rush of air, all three were gone from the room—Sanghyuk and Sojin out the front, Nayoung disappearing into some back room.

For a very long while, neither Hongbin or Hakyeon spoke. They sat in relative silence, while Hongbin cried and Hakyeon comforted him purely with his presence.

After what felt like an eternity, Hongbin looked up from his hands to the floor in front of him. "They're going to get him."

Hakyeon's hand stopped moving for only a moment. "Yes. They are. Thanks to you," he said.

Hongbin let out a half-delirious laugh. "I—I'm so happy." But even as he said it, he started to cry again.

Instead of pointing out the hypocrisy, Hakyeon maneuvered himself closer. His other hand came to cover Hongbin's, enveloping it in warmth.

If he'd been able to think clearly, Hongbin would've known better than to hug Hakyeon, but he couldn't think clearly. He pulled himself close to Hakyeon's chest so he could hear the heartbeat there. Hakyeon didn't even stiffen. He returned the hug without missing a beat.

* * *

By the time they made it back to his home, Hakyeon was exhausted and Hongbin seemed to be, too. Emotional strain combined with the effort of climbing the mountain was far beyond what was fair to handle in one day.

Hongbin immediately collapsed into the very first chair he saw, groaning as he extended his leg out in front of him. Hakyeon fell with equal grace into the next chair, every muscle in him relaxing. It'd been a long day.

"That was hard," Hongbin said good-naturedly.

Hakyeon smiled, not at all certain if Hongbin meant climbing up the mountain or catching an attempted murderer. Both were valid. "I'll be happy for a very long night's rest," Hakyeon admitted.

Hongbin hummed his agreement.

They sat in silence for only a moment before Hakyeon noticed Hongbin shudder out of the corner of his eye. The action set off alarm bells, so Hakyeon quickly got to work distracting him. "Would you mind showing me some drawings from your sketchbook?" he asked.

Hongbin's head snapped up to look at Hakyeon. "Wh—why?"

"Only if you want to," Hakyeon said defensively, "I just… think it's amazing."

Hongbin blushed a rare delight that made Hakyeon feel just slightly giddy despite the day's events. "It's under my pillow," Hongbin said quietly.

Hakyeon had known that. Hongbin wasn't exactly creative with his 'hiding' spots. He stood to retrieve it and brought his chair close enough to Hongbin's that their shoulders brushed. Instead of shying away, Hongbin flipped open the sketchbook, out of view from Hakyeon.

He kept frowning, which Hakyeon took to mean that he wasn't happy with showing him _everything_ he'd drawn. That only seemed fair. After a second, Hongbin's head tilted a little as if to say "good enough" and he set the sketchbook down on the table.

It took a moment to recognize himself, but once he had, Hakyeon was looking at a spitting image. "That's me!" he said because it was the very first thing that came to mind.

"Ye—yeah," Hongbin stuttered, his ears pink, "I like to draw people more than scenery and you're the only people so…"

"It looks just like me," Hakyeon said with a certain amount of reverence. He reached out to trace the line of his back softly with his finger.

"Oh? That's good…"

"How do you manage it?"

Hongbin shrugged, pulling the sketchbook back to his chest. He started to flip through more pages before returning to the conversation. "I practiced a lot. It might be why I hate scenery so much. I used to draw the garden beyond the schoolroom's window until I was caught, and then when I was alone at night. It wasn't until I was older that I got a chance to draw people. When I started making friends."

Hakyeon listened carefully, even though he'd likely never have the chance to apply the advice. "I think you're amazing." The words slipped out before he could stop them, but he didn't regret it. It was the truth.

Another blush, this time accompanied by a total freeze of Hongbin's muscles. After several seconds, he placed the sketchbook in front of him. "Thank you…" he said.

The two sat for a long while, Hakyeon drinking in every piece of art laid in front of him. Hongbin truly had become a great artist. It was clear in every stroke of the pencil and it made Hakyeon glad to see it. But something else became clear.

"Why don't you sign your artwork?"

Hongbin blinked like it was a question he had never been asked before. Which, Hakyeon realized, he likely hadn't. He pulled his hand back from the sketchbook so he could fiddle with the edge of his sleeve. "I… don't draw because I want the attention or the money. I draw because I want to share something with the world." Even though it wasn't a question he'd been asked before, Hongbin had clearly thought about it. Every word was said with a degree of certainty Hakyeon himself had rarely felt.

"So… You'll never be the traveling artist, selling your work along the road?"

"No. I'll settle down somewhere and draw and have someone else sell it. If I'm so lucky. But if I need to, I'll take up work wherever I can get it."

' _Settle down_ '. The words stuck themselves into Hakyeon's head and he knew it would be days before he dragged them out.

He'd assumed that Hongbin couldn't stay with him on the mountain. Hakyeon had assumed that there would be too many reasons why an artist would want to travel or live a big town at least. But those were assumptions, and he never should have made them about Hongbin.

"What?" Hongbin asked, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

Hakyeon took a moment to realize he was staring, with his mouth a little agape and his eyes wide. His face heated and he looked away abruptly. "No—nothing. I was just thinking."

"About what?" Hongbin asked.

His voice was unusually low and quiet, and he leaned just a little closer to Hakyeon. He could feel Hongbin's breath on his cheek. Hakyeon wondered if he noticed if he'd done it on purpose. Perhaps Hongbin was interested in him. Perhaps he could ask him to stay. Perhaps…

And then Hongbin moved away. It wasn't subtle, it was almost violent. The emotion in his eyes went from a soft curiosity and comfort to something near abject horror. He jerked back, and the chair squeaked away. The warmth of his shoulder left.

Hakyeon looked away, half out of embarrassment, half to hide the hurt look in his eyes. A lump in his throat appeared, which was ridiculous he told himself. He stood. "Thanks for showing me your art."

Hongbin took the sketchbook from the table and cradled it in his lap, deliberately avoiding eye contact. "It's the least I can do," he croaked.

Hakyeon shook his head. "Thank you," he repeated. He turned away, focusing on the kitchen counter, "What do you want for dinner?"

"Um," Hongbin seemed to take a moment, "You still have lots of vegetables, don't you? Is stir-fry okay?"

"Okay."

Silence descended upon them. At first, it was uneasy and nearly unbearable, but it didn't take long for it to return to normal. Hongbin pulled out his pencil and started to sketch while Hakyeon went around the kitchen.

It was a companionable silence, one that they'd shared dozens of times by this point. But, this time it was a little different because now there was the knowledge that Hongbin might leave.

"This is nice…"

Hakyeon stiffened, wondering if he'd said it at first. When he realized it was Hongbin's voice instead he smiled as something in him broke. "It is," he responded, his voice cracking.

That had been the last straw. He was going to do what Wonshik said. He was going to be selfish. What was today? Thursday. A little under one week until the coach came through town.

And in the meantime, he was going to ask Hongbin to stay.


	6. Chapter 6

As promised, Sanghyuk showed up on Hakyeon's doorstep the next morning. Hongbin had just downed the last of his morning tea when the call came from outside the home. Hakyeon leaped to his feet and was out of sight in a flash, the door sliding open with a _bang_.

"Sanghyuk!"  he said, before gaining his composure. Hongbin smiled a little to himself. "We still have some breakfast. Would you like to join us?"

"I couldn't turn you down," Sanghyuk said good-naturedly.

It almost seemed absurd to have a police officer in full uniform at their table, but he fell into their conversation so easily Hongbin swiftly forgot. Sanghyuk regaled them with several stories of absurd run-ins with local drunks and Hakyeon would counter with medical stories of his own. Hongbin listened intently, a smile on his face all the while.

Finally, when Sanghyuk had cleaned his plate, he sat back in his chair with a sigh. "I suppose we should get down to business."

A bit of a pit settled in Hongbin's stomach and he looked into his lap. In barely a whisper, he said, "Yes."

There was a noise and Hongbin realized Hakyeon had moved his chair to sit just a little closer. Hongbin let out a controlled, even breath to calm himself before they started.

"The money was still in his home, as we expected," Sanghyuk produced a purse from his pocket. Hongbin's eyes widened upon seeing it. It was his pouch, embroidered with the family crest. Kiyoung hadn't bothered to even get rid of that evidence?

As Sanghyuk set the purse down lightly on the table, a shiver traveled up Hongbin's spine. His vision clouded a little as tears sprouted. Then a hand squeezed his arm painfully tight. He glanced to Hakyeon, wanting to tell him that it hurt, but Sanghyuk pressed on before he could.

"So we've got him already," Sanghyuk beamed as he said this, "and he confessed almost as soon as we found it. Told us all about his conspirators, too. Some local thugs he hired."

Hakyeon, who'd barely seemed to move during the whole exchange, suddenly spoke. "Money? That's all they wanted."

Sanghyuk frowned. "That's all Kiyoung will say, but I'm doubtful. I think it's more likely… that he wanted to kill someone."

Hongbin shuddered, causing Hakyeon to move ever so slightly closer. In a choked voice, Hongbin managed to ask, "What will happen to him?"

"We have your testimony, we have his confession, we have the confessions of his conspirators, and we have the evidence," he motioned to the purse, "There's no chance he'll be walking free, and considering how rare murder is in this town, he won't be getting off lightly."

Hongbin nodded.

"And," Sanghyuk continued, his voice soft, "it's not going to happen to anyone else."

This eased his heart a little. No one else. No one else but him had to suffer. And that was something.

But it was far from over. He couldn't shake the feeling of dread that was shrouding him, even as he felt Hakyeon's hand firmly on his arm. It wasn't over. But it was a start.

"Hakyeon?'

All eyes turned to the open doorway, where Taekwoon stood. Hakyeon got to his feet. Curiously, Sanghyuk got a wicked smile on his face as he silently got to his feet and shrunk against the wall. Hongbin watched him with confusion.

"What are you doing here, Taekwoon? I thought you were due to leave last night?" Hakyeon asked.

"Circumstances have kept me a day longer. That's why I'm here," Taekwoon said as he set his pack down on the floor.

As soon as it touched the ground, Sanghyuk pounced. Hongbin jumped in his seat as the man tackled Taekwoon straight to the floor. It was an absolutely absurd sight, two full grown men in traditional clothes, a tangled mess. Hongbin couldn't hold back his scoff of a laugh.

Hakyeon looked entirely unimpressed as if this had been what he expected all along. The only betrayal that he wasn't as annoyed as he looked was the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth.

"I was about to tell you we have a visitor, but he beat me to it," Hakyeon joked.

Taekwoon finally managed to sit up, but he was still bound to the ground by Sanghyuk entrapping hug. "I thought you said you were leaving on the carriage yesterday!" Sanghyuk said.

Taekwoon had a sour look on his face. The tips of his ears, however, were bright red. Hongbin had no doubt that he had told Sanghyuk a lie. That made a bit of sense, considering what Hakyeon had said the day before about Sanghyuk 'bothering' Taekwoon.

"We're trying to get business done here," Hakyeon said, laughter in his voice.

With some effort, Taekwoon peeled Sanghyuk's arms off of him and stood before he could be pulled back. He brushed off his hanbok. "What are _you_ doing here?" Taekwoon asked Sanghyuk pointedly.

"Doing my job, too," Sanghyuk said, remaining on the floor with a delighted smile on his face.

"I've only ever seen you slacking off."

"You're an idiot."

Sanghyuk said it so plainly and with the most casual shrug, that Hongbin couldn't help but laugh again. It almost seemed true the way that Sanghyuk said it. Taekwoon turned his head just enough to shoot Hongbin a fiery glare that got him to clamp his mouth shut.

Sanghyuk finally stood, dusting off his uniform. "I'll wait in the garden and steal some of Hakyeon's tomatoes. You can have an officer escort into town!"

"I'd really rather you—" Taekwoon didn't even have the first few syllables out before Sanghyuk had left the home. He let out the most world-weary sigh Hongbin had ever heard in his life and turned his attention back to Hakyeon. "May I take a seat?" he asked.

Hakyeon motioned to the table. "He doesn't mean any harm," he said.

Taekwoon huffed at this, but he didn't give a reply otherwise. He sat in the seat across from Hongbin. Hakyeon remained standing, cleaning up the dishes from the morning meal. "I'm sorry I don't have anything for you."

"I ate already," Taekwoon reassured him.

"Well, what are you here for? I'll make some tea."

"Thank you," Taekwoon said. He set about to scratching at a groove in the table. He looked nervous, Hongbin thought.

Almost without meaning to, Hongbin got up to retrieve his sketchbook. As Taekwoon and Hakyeon exchanged technical terms, he set about sketching Taekwoon as best he could. It wasn't hard. Taekwoon had a face that lent itself to art.

When he paused for a moment, he was brought back into the conversation by Hakyeon's voice. "That'll be the biggest batch I've ever tried in a week." He sounded tired already as he poured Taekwoon a cup of tea.

"I know," Taekwoon said, his tone truly regretful. He turned around in his seat to look to Hakyeon, "But thank you."

Hakyeon smiled a little, clapping Taekwoon gently on the shoulder. "Of course, Taekwoon."

Taekwoon downed his tea quickly in relative silence, then stood. "Is there a back door I can leave out of."

Hakyeon smiled knowingly. "He'll see you no matter what."

Taekwoon practically deflated upon Hakyeon's reasoning. He turned to the front door and gathered his pack and fallen gat. "I'll be back in a week. Thank you for your hard work as always, Hakyeon."

"Thank _you_ ," Hakyeon said as Taekwoon left.

The smile melted from his face gradually. He fell into his chair and took a large sip of tea.

"What was that about?" Hongbin asked.

Hakyeon sighed, rubbing the rim of the cup with his thumb. "There's a nobleman who wants a rather large batch of medicine in a week's time. Taekwoon would normally turn him down, but…" Hakyeon trailed off and took another sip.

"But…"

"They have a past, I think. I don't know the details and even if I did, it wouldn't be my place to tell you about them," Hakyeon motioned a little dismissively.

Hongbin nodded. "But you're magic…"

"Is still depleted, but I wouldn't tell him I could do it if I didn't think I could."

Hongbin eyed Hakyeon with no small amount of skepticism. That wasn't necessarily true. He knew that from experience. "Could I help you?"

He knew the words were a bad idea the moment they were out of his mouth. There was a huge risk in inserting himself into Hakyeon's life even more than he already had. But he also couldn't help it. It would be the least he could do.

Hakyeon looked shocked at the idea, however. "I—I can't teach you magic, Hongbin."

"I know, but I could do everything else. Grinding the herbs, packaging… anything else you thought of." It wouldn't be much, but it would be _something_.

Hakyeon savored another sip of tea as he thought. The crease in his eyebrow smoothed. "I would actually appreciate that… thank you, Hongbin."

He reached across the table, about to envelope Hongbin's hand with his own. At the last second, Hongbin pulled his hand back as casually as he could, scooping his sketchbook from the table at the last second. "Just tell me what to do and I'll do my best," he said with a smile.

Hakyeon didn't smile back immediately, instead staring at the empty space where Hongbin's hand had once been. The sight made Hongbin feel even guiltier. Then Hakyeon seemed to shake himself and he nodded. "Thanks."

* * *

The problem with resolve, Hakyeon thought, was that it was only half the battle. You also needed to have a plan. And he most certainly didn't have one of those.

He had little to no experience with flirting, other than the very few times people had attempted it with him. Ken had tried once before he was with Wonshik, and that was about the extent of Hakyeon's knowledge.

As for relationships, well that he had even _less_ experience in. As in, he had 'none'. It hadn't seemed like an important thing until now when he had someone who made that idea sound tempting.

All that to say that Hakyeon had no Earthly idea how to try and convince Hongbin to stay. The first step would be getting him to at least _like_ him. But after two days working side-by-side making potions, it was becoming increasingly clear that Hongbin _didn't_. Well, not romantically anyway. He shied away from every single touch, and when a conversation did start, it was short and his voice was clipped. Hakyeon, of course, didn't believe Hongbin hated him by any stretch, but aside from the touch at the stove days before…

Hakyeon cleared his throat before making another feeble attempt at conversation. "You're surprisingly fast at this."

The corner of Hongbin's mouth turned up into a smile, but his eyes stayed on the herbs he was grinding. "Actually, my mother was usually sick when I was a kid, so I used to do this plenty."

"Oh?" Hakyeon's eyebrow quirked, surprised Hongbin was talking about his family. "What did she have?"

"We don't know, actually. Lots of doctors' diagnosed her with lots of things, but none of their remedies worked. Something with her stomach. Made it hurt bad enough that she'd curl up in a ball and refuse to move. Eventually, we stopped eating meat and that seemed to help."

Hakyeon's mouth dropped open slightly. "You don't eat meat‽ Why didn't you tell—"

Hongbin finally looked to him, humor in his eyes. "I eat meat _now_. It just seemed to help her."

A sigh of relief escaped Hakyeon's parted lips. "Goodness, if I'd offended you I would've felt awful."

Hongbin resumed work, clearly counting the conversation as over. But Hakyeon wasn't done yet. He grasped at straws, trying to find his next comment. "Uh, your family. So you said your mother and I assume you have another parent."

The smile that had curved Hongbin's mouth disappeared, but his eyes didn't go exactly dim. He just seemed more pensive. After a moment, he answered. "Yeah, my mother and father, and then my father's mothers were alive while I was growing up, but now there's only one. The only sibling I have is a younger sister, Sebin."

"You said that you aren't the type to be happy to see each other."

Hongbin stopped work again, this time to study the fineness of the herbs. Considering it good enough, he passed it along to Hakyeon, who poured it into the boiling water. "It's a little more complicated than that," Hongbin said, "We do love each other, it's just…" he bit his lip while looking for the right word. When he couldn't seem to find it, he just shook his head in defeat. "Complicated."

The conversation didn't die out this time. Instead, they started to exchange stories. Hongbin went into details of his sister's radical escapades, while Hakyeon told stories of his mother, and Taekwoon, and everyone else in town. The sun disappeared from the window and Hakyeon sighed and pulled away from the potion he was currently magicking. "We should get some lunch," he said.

When he didn't hear Hongbin answer, Hakyeon turned his head to see Hongbin look at him with an expression that instantly made Hakyeon's heart do somersaults. There was something like loving admiration in his eyes, soft and happy.

But as soon as Hongbin noticed Hakyeon looking, the emotion disappeared, and he went to the pump to wash off his hands. "Sounds good." His voice returned to the same clipped tone and Hakyeon was only left with questions.

* * *

Hongbin was only barely resisting bursting into tears. He wrung his hands nervously while Hakyeon tried to wave him off. "I swear I'm fine," he said, "It looks far worse than it is."

His voice was stuffed thanks to the cloth bundled up to his profusely bleeding nose. While he wanted nothing more than to believe him, Hongbin was far too used to Hakyeon lying to him about his well-being for it to click. That, and the fact that his hands were trembling so badly that drops of blood kept slipping past the cloth. It took almost all of Hongbin's self-control not to reach out and hold it in place for him.

"I'm fine," Hakyeon repeated as he sat in the table's chair.

Hongbin kept his distance, but all the same, his head pounded with the same thought over and over. _This was my fault_.

Over the last four days, he'd almost fooled himself into thinking that perhaps he could be a positive in Hakyeon's life instead of a negative. He was helping him, and it seemed to be working. Hakyeon got to rest more than he would've without him and they'd fallen into such a familiar rhythm the idea of staying with him didn't seem out of reach. And now, here was physical proof of what a fool he'd been. True, it wasn't directly his fault this time. The potions Hakyeon was making weren't _for_ him, but that didn't change the fact that Hongbin had been the one to exhaust the magic, purposefully or not.

To keep himself busy, Hongbin filled a cup of water and put it on the table next to Hakyeon. "I'm sorry," he said quietly.

Hakyeon gave him a look, part empathy, part admonishment. "It's not your fault, Hongbin."

"It is."

"It isn't," Hakyeon said definitively, "This would've happened anyways. It's Taekwoon's order.  I haven't made you potions since you asked and it wouldn't still be affecting me."

It was logic, but not logic Hongbin could believe. It was very likely Hakyeon would say that just to comfort him. He swallowed past the lump in his throat.

"I have to go to town tomorrow," Hakyeon said, changing the subject purposefully, "I'm running low on a foreign herb and, thanks to your help, I'll be done a day early. I should let Taekwoon know."

"I could go with you. Maybe a room will have opened up." Hongbin said this with a smile like it wasn't the most awful idea his mind could dredge up.

Hakyeon's eyes darted away. "Maybe…"

He pulled the cloth away from his face experimentally. When the blood didn't drip down his face, he let out a relieved sigh and pulled it away.

Hongbin held out his hand to take the blood-stained fabric. Hakyeon hesitated only a moment before handing it over. Hongbin went to the pump and started to scrub at it, alarmed by the amount of blood. The logical part of him reminded himself that if it was dangerous, Hakyeon would know. The illogical part of him worried anyways.

Every single muscle in his body stiffened as he felt arms wrap around his waist. Even his heart stopped dead in his chest. After a very long moment, he managed—in a voice far calmer than he felt—to say, "Shouldn't you rest for a while longer?"

"You won't stop frowning," Hakyeon said, resting his chin on Hongbin's shoulder, "and my words weren't working, so I thought I'd _show_ you that it's okay."

Breath tickled his ear as Hakyeon spoke and it took all of Hongbin's self-control not to shudder. His brain refused to work. The area on his torso that Hakyeon touched was practically burning and there was no way in Hell that Hakyeon couldn't hear the thudding of his heart.

And dammit, he was fairly sure Hakyeon knew that. He was fairly sure Hakyeon was _flirting_. Or, at least, trying to hint that he wasn't averse to this sort of physical touch; that he'd like something more.

"I'd rather you didn't touch me."

The statement hung in the air for several long moments where neither he or Hakyeon moved. It wasn't what Hongbin wanted to say. It wasn't the truth. But it's exactly what would hurt Hakyeon. However, in that tense moment, where he could practically feel Hakyeon wilting against his back, he wanted nothing more than to take it back. If he did that, though, then he'd never be able to convince Hakyeon that this was a terrible idea.

After what felt like hours but had only been seconds, Hakyeon pulled away. Hongbin could practically see the look on his face even though he couldn't bear to turn to look. Hakyeon's eyes would be full of hurt, but there would be a guilty smile on his face.

"Sorry," Hakyeon said, his tone somehow light, "But will you listen to me, then? It's not your fault. I've always been reckless with my magic, so the fault's all mine."

Hongbin bit the inside of his cheek as he resumed the washing of the cloth. "Fine." That was a lie too, but at least it made Hakyeon back away and sit back down in the chair.

* * *

The day was beautiful for being so late in the fall. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and in general, the woods seemed full of life. The only hint that it was closing in towards winter was the cool breeze, but even that only made the day more pleasant. There couldn't have been a better day for traveling.

Which was exactly why Hongbin had been a fool not to go with Hakyeon to Mikyung. Well, there were plenty of reasons but that was certainly one of them.

Hongbin had such resolve that morning. He'd go down to Mikyung, find a place to stay even if he had to pay a hefty sum for it, and then he'd only have to wait until tomorrow for the coach to arrive and he'd be out of Hakyeon's hair forever.

But his resolve had shattered the moment Hakyeon had sighed pensively over his finished potions and wondered aloud if he would really be able to finish packing them in time for early delivery. Maybe he should stay up here and work all day on that?

Even though Hongbin knew Hakyeon was baiting him, he simply couldn't help it. Without so much as a decent second of hesitation, he volunteered to stay and pack it for him.

The job had taken him all of two hours and Hakyeon still wasn't back. So now he sat on the porch, sketching whatever stray images came to mind, waiting for Hakyeon to return home. Like he had any right to be doing that. Like he was some sort of important person to Hakyeon…

He sighed and pulled away from his current sketch—of Hakyeon of course—and studied it passively. Or at least, his eyes moved like he was looking at it, but his mind was in the recesses of self-loathing.

"Lee?"

Hongbin's brow furrowed, his heart nervously missing a beat when he didn't instantly recognize the voice. His head snapped up and he let out a sigh of relief to see a familiar, non-threatening face. "Taekwoon. Is everything okay?" Taekwoon looked as professional as ever in his hanbok, not disordered or nervous, but the question was out before Hongbin could stop it. Hakyeon had gone down to meet Taekwoon, so if he was up on the mountain all alone…

"As far as I'm aware," Taekwoon said and the worry in Hongbin's heart eased, "Is Hakyeon in?"

"He went down to see in town this morning. You must've just missed each other."

"Oh. How unfortunate."

"It's a pain to walk all the way up. Do you want some water?" Hongbin set his sketchbook aside and stood.

Taekwoon nodded his head. "Thank you."

Hakyeon returned with a filled cup in no time and Taekwoon took a sip before pointing to the sketchbook on the porch. "Is that your work?"

"Ah," Hongbin squeaked, feeling his ears heat, "Yes, yes it is."

Taekwoon hummed but left it at that as if sensing Hongbin's embarrassment. However, his eyes lingered on the drawing so Hongbin scooped it up as casually as he could and snapped it shut.

"I was coming to check that Hakyeon hasn't been working himself too hard."

Hongbin smiled before he could stop himself. "He is the type, isn't he? But I've been helping him, so he's been resting plenty."

Taekwoon choked on his water, a reaction that Hongbin hadn't really expected. He choked in the most graceful way Hongbin had ever seen, but that didn't change the fact that he clearly was shocked. "You've been _helping_ him?" Taekwoon asked once recovered.

Hongbin felt the color drain from his face. He hadn't considered Taekwoon might take umbrage with that. But of course, he would. The quality of work was sure to be lowered. He rushed to put the man's mind to ease. "Ye—yes, but Hakyeon's been supervising me the whole time."

Taekwoon's eyes were sharp with suspicion as he studied Hongbin intently. "I only thought that Hakyeon couldn't easily teach his trade." His tone was as sharp as his gaze.

Hongbin shook his head. "No. He can't. Which is why I've only been doing little things, like packaging the po—medicines. He does all the fine details"

"Oh?" Taekwoon swallowed the last of his water. "I'll speak with him about it."

He put the empty cup at Hongbin's feet on the porch. The sound made Hongbin jump. Had he just ruined Hakyeon's one livelihood? He tried to come up with anything else to say, but words were failing him completely.

"Thank you for the water, Lee," Taekwoon said. Then he adjusted his pack and turned back the way he came.

Hongbin stared after him for a long time, his brain failing to come up with half a thought. Finally, he collapsed backward on the porch, burying his face into his hands.

Every single thing he did worked against Hakyeon. Even this. Even when he was trying to help. Slowly but surely, he was breaking Hakyeon. Dragging the life out of him. The universe had shown him time and time again that this couldn't work. He should've left. Today or the first day they went to the village… No, scratch that. He should've left the very first day he'd been able to walk. All of it, every single second had been a mistake for Hakyeon. In his month here, Hongbin had not done a single bit of good.

He let out a stuttering sigh through the lump forming in his throat. His eyes burned with unshed tears, so he looked up to the sky in hopes of getting them to disappear.

He needed to leave. No more waiting. No more excuses. He'd be gone as soon as he could manage it without distressing Hakyeon. Alone. The coach came through town tomorrow. He'd fight through Hell to make sure he was on it.

* * *

Hakyeon stumbled into a stop before bending over to catch his breath. It was far too hot to be doing all this running, but he would hardly be able to stand himself if he somehow managed to miss Taekwoon _again_. It was a good thing Hongbin hadn't come. This would've been terrible for his leg.

Once he was a little recovered, he returned to a run. He shouldn't have worried too much though. He was only about five minutes from his home when Taekwoon met him on the road.

"Taekwoon!" Hakyeon cried in breathless relief. It took almost all of his self-control not to flop to the ground and take a nap right then and there. Perhaps he needed to exercise a bit more.

"Hakyeon," Taekwoon said cooly. He had a furrow between his brow that made Hakyeon worry. "I'm sorry I missed you."

"I'm sorry I missed _you_!" Hakyeon let out a hoarse laugh before straightening up. "Did you have a question for me?"

For a moment Taekwoon seemed lost for words like he wasn't sure if he should speak at all. Then, he shook his head. "I was just inquiring about your progress."

"That's what I was going to talk to you about! I'll be done a day early, so you can come up tomorrow and pick up the whole batch. Hongbin's been a real help."

Taekwoon's gaze clouded and he looked to the ground. "So he _has_ been helping you."

Hakyeon blinked, entirely unsure of how that would be an issue. "Is—is that a problem? I promise they'll be of my usual quality."

Taekwoon shook his head, his mouth forming into a line. "It's not that. Your… _abilities_ are impeccable, it's just that I thought they weren't something that could be taught."

"What? Taekwoon, I'm far from the only herbalist."

"It's not the herbs I'm talking about, Hakyeon."

There was a long moment more of confusion before it finally hit him. Hakyeon felt as if his limbs had been paralyzed as his blood ran cold in their veins. He stared at Taekwoon, wondering how to react. Shock? Denial? Fear? "I—I don't know what you're saying."

Taekwoon's gaze softened as if he knew at least a little of what Hakyeon was thinking. "I'm just worried for you. You know as well as I do why your mother built her home here."

Hakyeon could barely breathe. Of course _he_ knew, but why did Taekwoon?

"Be careful," Taekwoon took a step towards him and patted his shoulder comfortingly, "I don't mean to scare you, but I worry."

Before Hakyeon could formulate an answer, Taekwoon disappeared down the mountain. Hakyeon only managed to stand for a couple more moments before the adrenaline caused him to crouch to the ground. How long had Taekwoon known? How had he found out? Why hadn't he said anything until now? His mind was a panicked mess, which made very little sense. He trusted Taekwoon like a brother. It wasn't as if he was in any sort of trouble.

He took a steadying breath, steeling himself enough that he could stand and make the rest of the trip home.

He was a little surprised to see Hongbin on the porch waiting for him. The smile on his face seemed plastered on, but Hakyeon didn't have a second to wonder why.

"Did Taekwoon catch you?" Hongbin asked.

Hakyeon couldn't manage words, so he nodded instead.

"Is—is everything okay?"

Shaking himself, Hakyeon forced a small smile. "Yeah, I'm just… I'm a little tired and I need to think about some things is all." He motioned to his lab. "If it's okay, I'm gonna work alone for a minute."

Hongbin gave a quick nod, then disappeared inside without so much as a word. Hakyeon let out another exhausted sigh. This was all too much. Magic would clear his head. It always did. Nothing to do but focus on the spell you were trying to cast…

It became a rhythm soon enough, as it always did. He sorted through herbs mindlessly while he trying to sort his thoughts just as easily.

After the original panic had worn off, it was pretty clear that he wasn't in any more danger than he had been with Hongbin's discovery. He'd known Taekwoon for far longer and he clearly had known of Hakyeon's magic for a while. It made sense now that Hakyeon stopped to think about it. Taekwoon had always been observant. Even with his paranoia, Hakyeon knew he didn't have a perfect track record with hiding his abilities. Perhaps he'd handed a potion over before the glow had entirely worn off?

What bothered him more was that Taekwoon didn't tell him. Had he known Hakyeon would panic like this? Why _was_ he panicking?

Hakyeon sighed as a headache appeared behind his eye. He gently pushed the sore spot, hoping for some relief. He'd overdone it again. Scolding himself, he moved the pot off the stove top.

"Hakyeon?"

He blinked, confused by the sound of his name for a moment. He'd almost forgot he wasn't alone. "Oh, Hongbin," he said, turning his head to look at him in the doorway, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you…" He trailed off when he saw the color draining from Hongbin's face.

"Your… nose," Hongbin said his voice a little weak.

Hakyeon reached up to touch his nostril with the back of his palm. Sure enough, there was a trail of blood down his face. He groaned and moved to get a towel. "I swear it's worse than it looks."

He'd been using a lot of towels lately, so they were pushed a bit farther back than usual. He put his palm on the counter to lean over and reach the shelf and then—

It took him several moments to register what had happened. One moment, he was in front of the pot. The next, his back was against the far wall, his body shoved at odd angles. The whole world seemed to have been knocked out of place. His eyes wouldn't focus and his ears rung. It felt a bit like he was underwater. His limbs wouldn't even move right.

Blood. Blood was what he'd forgotten. Blood and potions should never mix.

Where was Hongbin? The panic hit his chest harder than the explosion. He'd been in the doorway. Hakyeon scrambled to his feet, his eyes searching the area frantically. He couldn't see him. He stumbled out the building to find Hongbin sitting on the grass, holding his head in his hands.

Without so much as another thought, Hakyeon collapsed next to him and grabbed at his arms. He pulled them away to look at his head. No blood. Good. Then his gaze went to his arms and he balked. Cuts covered them, bits of glass still clinging to his skin.

Hakyeon's fingers were dancing across his arms before he registered what he was doing. The cuts started to pull themselves together beneath his touch.

Hongbin jerked away frantically. "Stop!"

The rejection stung, even in such a situation, but he did exactly as asked. His hands hovered midair uselessly. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry—"

"You're bleeding everywhere!" Hongbin grabbed at Hakyeon this time, pulling his arms out to study them carefully.

For the first time, Hakyeon realized that the entire middle and upper parts of his arm were burned. The flesh was white and red and angry. He stared at it stupidly, not even able to feel it. Blood flecked his burned sleeves and more was falling onto Hongbin's arms as he watched.

"Your head," Hongbin said, an unmistakable pit of concern.

"I'm fine," Hakyeon said weakly, even though he had really no idea.

"You're not." Hongbin looked at a loss for a moment and then got to his feet without his cane. Hakyeon opened his mouth to protest, but no sound came out.

Hongbin scooped him up gently, avoiding his arms, but it didn't matter. They didn't hurt. Once again he tried to protest, but this time Hongbin silenced him with a look of panic.

Hongbin stumbled into the cottage, gently placing Hakyeon on a chair. When he made a move to leave, Hakyeon found himself clinging to a bit of his sleeve, holding him back.

"I'll be back," Hongbin said calmly.

Hakyeon wasn't even sure why he was clinging. After only a second's hesitation, he released Hongbin. He instantly went around the kitchen, knowing where the gauze was. He filled a bowl with water and returned to Hakyeon's side as promised.

By then, Hakyeon's teeth had started to chatter enough that even he could notice. He stared down at his quivering hands, tears welling up in his eyes. "Hongbin…" he whispered.

"I'm here." Hongbin placed his hand on Hakyeon's knee, looking him right in the eye, "You're okay."

Hakyeon nodded, letting the tears fall as Hongbin gently took a hold of his head and started to wrap it with bandages, staunching the bleeding with a cloth he folded in. "Does it hurt?" he asked in a soothing voice.

Hakyeon tried to talk again, but it didn't come out. Instead, he shook his head.

"Maybe it won't."

Hongbin turned his attention to the burns, carefully peeling off the remains of his shirt. Hakyeon realized his chest must be burned, too. It felt strange.

Hongbin started to lay cloths doused in cool water onto his arms. Hakyeon sucked in a breath through his teeth as the pain set in. It was like a sting, but worse. He wanted to recoil from the fabric's touch, but Hongbin held him firm. He whispered calming words, but Hakyeon had trouble remembering them.

Eventually, the cloth was replaced by bandages, all the while Hongbin still cooed reassurances.

"Your arms…" Hakyeon finally managed, his eyes transfixed on the cuts.

"I'll be fine," Hongbin reassured him. He led Hakyeon's fingers to one of the cuts. "It's not bleeding anymore. It doesn't hurt."

"I fixed it…"

Hongbin had an unreadable look in his eyes for just a moment before the calmness returned. "You did. You did good."

Hakyeon nodded.

"How are you?" Hongbin asked.

"It hurts."

"I'm sorry…"

And then, Hakyeon laughed. Hongbin looked taken aback, but it seemed to be the only appropriate response to Hakyeon at that moment. After he'd calmed a little, he motioned to his arm. "It's just… I healed you and now you're healing me. We've come full circle." The laughter died in his chest as a thought of more finality hit him. "You've… you've got nothing to repay me for. You can leave…"

Hongbin's face turned a bit stiff, guarded. The small smile that had been on his face melted in only moments. "Oh…" was all he said.

Hakyeon knew he shouldn't have this conversation right now. It shouldn't be now when he was high on adrenaline and quivering and loopy. But those were the exact reasons he couldn't stop himself. His eyes locked with Hongbin's. "Maybe you should stay." The words came out as barely above a whisper, but it sounded like a shout.

Hongbin looked away almost the exact moment the question was asked. He stared at the floor but didn't stay anything. Hakyeon heard him take in a breath, but he never said a word.

"I—I don't know how to say this, because I'm being selfish," Hakyeon said, wishing Hongbin would look at him again so he could see the look on his face, "There's so much more out there in the world for you, but Hongbin… I would like you to stay."

Hongbin sucked in an audible breath. "Thank—thank you," he stuttered, every inch of his voice hesitant, "I'd be happy to be your apprentice, but…"

Hakyeon shook his head. "No, that's not what I'm asking," Hakyeon said. He took a deep breath before continuing, "The truth is that I like you. A lot. Romantically." It came out in bursts. It was almost painful for him to say aloud like he was forcing it out of his chest. But it was a relief. "You're talented and endearing and kind and caring—"

"That's very kind of you—"

"Let me finish."

Hongbin's shoulders stiffened, but he didn't try to say anything more.

"I'm not saying this to make you stay. I just want you to know what I think. I think you're an amazing person. You're lovely. And you should know before you go that I care for you. Deeply."

Hongbin finally looked up, but Hakyeon didn't expect the emotion in his eyes. Instead of looking embarrassed or excited or even angry, he looked… heartbroken.

"I like you, too, Hakyeon," he said quietly.

Hakyeon wanted to feel happy, but he didn't. He knew from Hongbin's tone of voice what he was going to say next.

"But I can't stay."

Despite the fact that he'd known this would be his answer all along. Despite the fact he had known better than to hope, Hakyeon still felt hurt. His heart sunk in his chest and his gaze shifted away to focus on his hands once more as he tried to hold back tears. He held them back stubbornly, not wanting to try and sway Hongbin's decision more than he already had.

"That's okay," he said instead, offering the slightest of a false smile. But it wasn't, even though he tried to tell himself it was.


	7. Chapter 7

There was an emptiness to his home that Hakyeon felt before he saw. He stirred in his yo, feeling every single burn even though they were covered. Sometime in the night, his bandages had been changed, before he'd woken up. Because Hongbin had known he wasn't going to be there when he woke up.

Almost desperately, Hakyeon wandered around the small home, hoping that Hongbin would pop out of the cupboards. Then he went outside and wandered there, too. But there was no sign of Hongbin. His yo had been carefully put away and his cane and bag were gone. All that was left was a slip of paper on the table. As soon as he saw it, Hakyeon didn't hesitate to unfold it.

> My beloved Hakyeon,
> 
> I can't express in words how thankful I am for everything you've done for me. All the healing, the effort, the magic, the kindness… everything. Leaving like this makes me seem ungrateful I know, so I want to tell you: thank you. I have every expectation you'll hate me, and I won't try to talk you out of it. I only want to make certain you won't be scared for me. I have a feeling if I leave without a word, you'll worry yourself sick.
> 
> The truth is, Hakyeon, that I don't 'like you' as I so conservatively put it last night. As immature and unreasonable as it may seem for me to say, I love you. I don't know when it happened, but I know why. You're so kind and selfless and hopeful. You called me caring, but I don't know how you can think that when you've worked yourself to the bone to save a stranger's life.
> 
> And the problem is that I'm none of these things. I am a very selfish person. I rejected every advantage I gained in life only because I wanted to draw. I abandoned my family. I took it for granted someone would want to mentor me… And I leave, instead of telling you all of this in person because I'm scared to see your face. I'm a coward. And worse.
> 
> You have so much love to give, and there are countless people in the world who deserve it, who can give you just as many wonderful things as you give me. There's someone who will make you happy. No matter how badly I want to be that person, I know that I could never. I'm too flawed, too cruel. If I was different, if I was better, I would stay here with you on this beautiful mountain, in your beautiful home, for as long as you asked me too.
> 
> Thank you, again, for everything. You've made me feel more worthy than I ever have in my life.
> 
> Hongbin Lee.

Hakyeon collapsed into the kitchen chair, his brain trying to absorb even a fraction of the message. He read the note again, then again, then again trying to tear out a meaning.

What was he trying to say? 'Not caring'? Had he not just saved Hakyeon from his own self less than 24 hours before? What would have happened if he wasn't there? Bled to death‽ And a 'coward'? Hardly! He'd faced the man who tried to kill him! Without even being prepared!

The note crumpled into Hakyeon's hands and he was shocked to find himself getting angry. Hongbin might not think himself 'worthy', but dammit that wasn't his decision to make! Hakyeon got to his feet, not entirely certain what his plan was. He threw on the very first shirt and pants he saw, only barely remembering to stuff his feet into his shoes before he stumbled out the door.

Hongbin was _wrong_. Hakyeon had fallen in love with Hongbin of his own accord and he'd do it all again! He'd convince him of that. Flaws and all, Hakyeon wanted Hongbin to stay.

* * *

The trail down the mountain felt difficult to traverse without Hakyeon. Hongbin wasn't sure how much of that was in his head, and how much of it was based on his reliance on a cane. No matter the reason, he was relieved to hear a cart behind him. The farmer—Bora—was kind enough to offer him a ride and he immediately accepted.

But the moment he was alone in the back of his cart, all he was left with was his thoughts. That was almost worse. In minutes he was crying, and he hated himself even more for it. He shouldn't cry. He wasn't even the person hurt here. This was all his fault and he had no right to cry. No matter how much he told himself that, the tears wouldn't stop.

As soon as the town was in view, he wiped his eyes frantically. The last thing he wanted was for someone to ask what was wrong. He leaped down from the back of the cart and pulled a coin from his pocket. When he tried to hand it to Bora, she shook her head. "You're coming from Hakyeon's home, aren't you? My family owes him. I can't possibly take your money."

Hongbin let out a hollow laugh as the ache in his chest worsened. Of course, Hakyeon had helped these people, too. He knew everyone. "No," Hongbin lied, "He was only helping me too, so please take it."

It took a bit more coercion, but she finally took the money and gave him a smile before continuing on her way.

Hongbin was grateful the town was so small because he was quickly able to orient himself and find Jaehwan's café. If there was somewhere he'd be able to loiter for a few hours until the coach's arrival, he hoped that it would be there.

Jaehwan's face lit up the moment he saw Hongbin. He moved from behind the counter to greet him, but as soon as he saw the look on Hongbin's face, his eyes grew concerned. Hongbin braced himself. "Everything alright, Hongbin?"

Hongbin managed as much of a smile as he could and wiped away the welling tears with the back of his hand. "My leg," he choked out.

"Well, by all means, sit," Jaehwan said, pulling out a chair for him.

Hongbin fell into it gratefully.

"Are you here for the coach? Why isn't Hakyeon with you?"

Hongbin swallowed, bracing himself for another lie. "He had some orders to finish." It was the closest thing to the truth he could manage.

Jaehwan offered him a smile as another customer entered. "You're free to stay until noon," he said.

"Thanks."

The café had a slow, but steady stream of customers. That kept Hongbin busy with his sketchbook, doodling the people as they came and went. It only helped so much. His attention wandered constantly and sometimes his sketches were more salt than lead.

An hour after his arrival, a familiar face walked through the door.

"Wonshik!" Jaehwan said in delight. He came out from behind the counter to greet his husband. Wonshik wrapped Jaehwan up into his arms and planted a kiss onto his cheek. Hongbin couldn't help but smile at the scene and he quickly made an outline.

Jaehwan leaned up to Wonshik's ear and it didn't take Hongbin long to realize they were talking about him. Their eyes kept darting over and Hongbin's stomach sunk. Perhaps he could lie and fool Jaehwan, but Wonshik would be harder.

Sure enough, Jaehwan returned to the counter and Wonshik made his way over to Hongbin's table. "What's going on, Hongbin?" Wonshik asked in a kinder voice than Hongbin deserved, "I know Hakyeon wouldn't have let you come down the mountain on your own."

Hongbin bit his trembling lip, desperately trying to keep the tears at bay just for the conversation. Out of all the people, Hongbin wouldn't let Wonshik—one of Hakyeon's childhood friends—pity him. "I—" he started, but any further words died in Hongbin's throat.

Wonshik reached out to place a hand on Hongbin's shoulder. The tears finally fell again as Hongbin slapped the hand away. "Don't—don't feel sorry for me," Hongbin said, ignoring the confused look in Wonshik's eyes, "I left on my own."

The confusion turned to something sharper. Wonshik's eyebrows furrowed. "Did he tell you?"

Hongbin sucked in a choked breath and looked away. His voice was only just above a whisper. "Yes."

"Did his feelings really scare you _that_ badly?" Wonshik had a quiet sort of anger, his voice rough and deep. "You should know as well as I do that Hakyeon would never do anything to—"

"I know," Hongbin moaned, "I feel the same way."

And now Wonshik was confused again. "Then why—?"

Hongbin didn't even have a spare second to respond when the door to the café slammed open. Hongbin jumped, his eyes snapping to the doorway. There stood Hakyeon, looking rumpled and far worse for wear than Hongbin ever cared to see him. "Lee Hongbin!" Hakyeon yelled.

Hongbin stood from his seat and he tried to back away, only for his knees to knock the front of his chair. What was Hakyeon doing here? Was he here to yell at him? Not that he didn't deserve it, but Hongbin hated himself enough already. "Ha—Hakyeon?" he stuttered out.

Hakyeon's eyes locked onto him and out of the corner of his eye, Hongbin saw Wonshik usher Jaehwan from the room. Hongbin and Hakyeon stared at each other for several long, unbearable moments. Neither of them even seemed capable of breathing.

Hongbin's leg couldn't take the strain anymore, and he collapsed back into his seat. That seemed to be the final push Hakyeon needed. He marched forward and slammed his hand down on the table. Hakyeon struggled to form a full sentence so instead, he groaned and pointed to the letter that now lay on the table. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked, his voice equal parts hurt and concern.

Hongbin stared at the letter, forcing air to circulate in his lungs. For what felt like several minutes, he couldn't force himself to find an answer. Then he shook his head and looked to his hands. "I— All I have to say is in that letter," he said.

"That's not—" Hakyeon started, then stamped his foot. He cursed under his breath, making Hongbin's eyes widen. "Who do you think I am, Hongbin?"

Hakyeon's voice, high-pitched and near hysterical, twisted a knife in Hongbin's stomach. They met gazes again. The tears building up in Hakyeon's eyes forced Hongbin to look away. "I said all that in the letter…"

Hakyeon's breath catches.

Hongbin grips his cane and hauls himself up. If he keeps up this conversation, he won't be able to leave. He heads towards the door, only for Hakyeon to shake off his shock and block his path.

"Then—then what gives you the right to decide what I _'deserve'_?" Hakyeon's voice breaks half-way through.

Hongbin still avoids looking into his eyes. His resolve was already shattering. "I know that you deserve to be happy."

He shouldered his way past Hakyeon, who's breath hiccups. He's crying. Hongbin wants nothing more than to turn around and comfort him or tell him that he's sorry, but it's better if Hakyeon hates him. If he hates him, then he'll recover easier.

"If you think that then _why_?"

Hongbin's hand hesitates at the door. For a moment, nothing fills the air but their breathing, a little quick and panicked. "'Why'?" Hongbin echoes. It wasn't the question he expected.

"Hongbin. _You_ make me happy."

His heart stopped dead in his chest at the words. Tears invaded his eyes again, and he bites his lip to hold them back.

"If you think I deserve happiness," Hakyeon takes a gentle hold of Hongbin's forearm, "then why would you just… leave?"

Hongbin's shoulders shook and he turned on his heel, slipping his arm out of Hakyeon's grasp. "Because I _can't_ make you happy. Don't you realize that?"

Almost accidentally, Hongbin looked into Hakyeon's eyes again. And he can't look away.

Hakyeon grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer, shaking him lightly. "What gives you the right to decide that for me‽"

Hongbin's never seen Hakyeon like this—desperate and full of emotion. He feels sick to his stomach, hating himself more and more by the second. "You— I'm—" He can't find the words. Not a single thing made sense, even to his own mind, at this moment.

"I know you're not perfect—"

"It's not just that—"

"Let me _finish_." Hakyeon's grip on Hongbin's shoulders tightens slightly, but his voice is soft, imploring. "I'm not perfect either."

Hongbin could come up with dozens of arguments for why that was untrue, but he keeps his mouth shut.

"But, Hongbin, that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy. You're not going to suck my life away by doing something that makes you happy. You know that, right?"

Something in Hongbin broke. He didn't stand a chance holding back his tears anymore. They flowed freely. He wanted to nod or respond, but the truth was he _didn't_ know that. Since when did he deserve happiness?

Hakyeon read him like a book. He placed his palm on Hongbin's cheek, wiping away the tears as they came. "That's called being _human_. I don't want you to be perfect, but I do want you to be happy. I want you to be happy because I…" Hakyeon hesitated, blinking away tears rapidly, "I love you."

Hongbin sobbed. He lowered himself to the ground slowly, shaking like a leaf. Had Hakyeon just said he loved him. _Him_ ? He reached for Hakyeon's hand and clung to it, unable to see Hakyeon clearly through the tears. How could Hakyeon _love him_? It didn't make sense.

But his heart felt so light. He'd never been so overwhelmed from so few words.

"If staying with me will make you happy, then _stay_."

Hongbin shivered, finally admitting to himself just how badly he did want that. He wanted to stay more than he wanted to breathe in that moment. All his life, if he wanted something, it was wrong. If he wanted to paint, then it was wrong. If he wanted to be an apprentice, it was wrong. But not this. Hakyeon _wanted_ him to stay. Flaws and all.

Hongbin leaned into Hakyeon's touch, relishing in it. "What—what if I leave you again?" he hiccuped. His eyelids fluttered as he tried to clear his eyes enough to see Hakyeon's face.

Hakyeon's gaze softens, and he draws a little closer. "I'll find you."

"What if I put you in danger?"

"I'll forgive you."

"I'm stupid and selfish and cruel—"

"I'll love you even for all of that."

Hongbin's breath caught in his throat. He couldn't ask for more. He barely believed it, but he was going to try. "Hakyeon…" he whispered. He wanted to protest more, feel as certain as he did ten minutes before, but none of it clicks. All the excuses he'd made can't find their way past that last statement. _'I'll love you even for all of that.'_

"Let us try this. Please," Hakyeon pleaded.

Hongbin nodded despite himself. "I want to, I want to," he admitted.

Hakyeon _beamed._ He smiled like everything had become right in the world, and maybe everything had. Everything felt lighter and better and kinder than it had before.

Hongbin leaned in without thinking, just desperate for closeness. Their foreheads rested against each other, breath mingling. Hongbin's eyes drifted closed as he soaked in the feeling.

"Hongbin," Hakyeon said quietly.

A smile inched its way onto Hongbin's lips, and he kissed away the trail of tears off of Hakyeon's cheek. "I made you cry."

"Yeah you did," Hakyeon replied, his smile still bright, "I made you cry, too."

"I deserved it."

"No," Hakyeon said definitively, "No, but you did need a talking to."

"I might need a lot of those in the future."

"I'll make sure to be there."

They pulled apart, just a bit so they can meet eyes again. The smile slowly slipped off of Hakyeon's face to something more serious, but still pleasant. "I can kiss you now, can't I?"

Hongbin couldn't breathe again. "Have you been wanting to?"

"At least since the first day Wonshik came."

Hongbin blinked away the tears forming again in his eyes. "That long?"

Hakyeon blushed then nodded. He carefully took a hold of Hongbin's hands and threaded their fingers together. He leaned in, and Hongbin held in his breath in anticipation.

And then, their lips touched. Hongbin's heart skipped a beat at the feeling and his entire body flooded with relief. He hadn't known how much tension he'd been holding in. Surprising to no one, Hakyeon tasted like tea—like fennel and honey. Hongbin didn't bother to commit it to memory, because hopefully, it wouldn't be the last kiss they shared. He reached up to cradle Hakyeon's cheek, so happy he was there. He only hoped he was feeling a fraction of the joy he was.

After a few blissful moments, Hakyeon pulled away so they can catch their breath.

"I love you," Hongbin blurted out before he realized he wanted to say it. He blushed a deep red.

Hakyeon smiled like he was lightheaded. "Oh," was all he said. He leaned in to plant another kiss on Hongbin's lips. When he pulled away, he'd regained his senses again. "I love you, too."


	8. Epilogue

"Taekwoon!" Hongbin says, and Hakyeon shakes himself out of his work-induced trance. 

Hongbin had moved from his work desk in the lab to wave at their visitor from the doorway. Hakyeon smiles a little to himself and pulls down a towel. He pushes his way to Hongbin's side, handing the cloth over to him. "You're hands are absolutely covered in paint."

Hongbin shrugged but wiped his hands obediently. Hakyeon steps out to greet Taekwoon as he approaches. "You're home a day early," he says.

Taekwoon tries to hold back the blush that reaches his ears, but Hakyeon doesn't miss it. "I'm sorry to interrupt your work. Should I come back tomorrow?"

"No, no, we were almost done. If you don't mind waiting for about half an hour."

"If you don't mind."

Hakyeon leads him inside and makes a quick cup of tea before returning to the lab. Hongbin's already hard at work at his easel again, but he follows Hakyeon's movements out of the corner of his eye. "We're already done. And isn't Sanghyuk supposed to visit in less than ten minutes?"

"You think I didn't plan this on purpose?" Hakyeon asked, holding back a grin.

"He wasn't even supposed to come to Mikyung until tomorrow."

Hakyeon shrugged. "He would've missed Sanghyuk's last day here before his trip if he did."

"You're such a matchmaker now that you can't marry yourself off anymore," Hongbin says, a gentle admiration in his eyes.

"We  _ both _ know they should've started dating two years ago."

Hakyeon came up behind Hongbin and wrapped his arms around Hongbin's waist. He gave him a small kiss on the cheek and then rested his head on Hongbin's shoulder so he could marvel at his newest work. His husband stilled at his touch, then relaxed into it. "You captured our garden beautifully, Mr. Cha," Hakyeon said.

Hongbin let out a sigh. "You think so? Scenery still isn't my strength."

Hakyeon kissed his cheek again. "If you want to paint it, you always do wonderfully."

Even after all their time together, Hongbin still blushed. Hakyeon appreciated that. "You're too lovely to me," Hongbin said.

There was a small, distressed cry in the distance, then a thump. Hongbin heaves out a good-natured sigh. "Sanghyuk's here."

"We should go in," Hongbin said, lifting the painting off the easel. 

"Yes," Hakyeon said, collecting his medicines. "I've got to play matchmaker after all."

Hongbin let out a scoff of a laugh. 

"I've got one more thing to give you though."

Hongbin turned to ask him 'what', but Hakyeon kissed the word right out of his mouth. Hongbin melted instantly, kissing back with equal enthusiasm. After a second they pulled away and Hongbin's eyes fluttered open.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Because I love you," Hakyeon replied. 

He hears Hongbin's breath hitch for just a moment, and then he leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. 

Hakyeon smiled knowingly, stepping out of the lab. "What was  _ that _ for?"

"Because I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really wasn't ready to post this fic, but if even one person enjoyed it, then I suppose it was worth it. c: I really appreciate your time. Title generously donated by [this translation](https://lyricstranslate.com/en/baby-baby.html-28) of ["BABY"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmetCO_ZFnI). Comments and critiques are always appreciated! 
> 
> To the prompter: The more I wrote this fic and worked on it, the more I became terrified that it wasn't what you were looking for. I wasn't sure what qualified as 'heavy angst' and while I thought that meant "no major character death, cheating, break-up, etc." I'm not sure that's what you had in mind. If this isn't what you were hoping for, please contact me after the reveals and I will write something that's more along the lines of what you were looking for. I _always_ need more excuses to write more VIXX and Nbin. (*ﾉωﾉ)


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